Mr.Blue reacts

to 4 days of Obama .gif at top of her pet human’s blog:

Arrgh! Moving thing I can't catch!

Still there! 4 day, 28 cat-day, still can't catch!

It torture me! Nough is nough!

It gone? You catch? You leave innards by front door?

12 memorable SOTU moments

Immortalized in GIF.

Submitted without (much) comment

Because sometimes there’s just no comment I could possibly *come* up with that would provide adequate snarkification.  From Rick Santorum’s website, what is presumably a money raising promotion with the world’s greatest acronym:

It’s still there as of 2:45 Pacific, so the Santorum campaign must be delirious with joy, imagining that the surge of incumming clicks is potential donors.

2:54 – Bwahaa!  Still there.

(h/t trappedinawhirlpool on twitter)

From the “WTF Is Wrong With People?” file

Speaking of right-wing terrorism, here’s a little item that will reaffirm your faith in the inherent goodness of the human race… NOT.

Yesterday the campaign manager for Arkansas Democrat Ken Aden arrived home with his kids to find the family cat dead on the porch, with the word “LIBERAL” scrawled on its side in felt pen.

(Caution before clicking link below: graphic image of animal cruelty.)

Can the state of politics in the USA degenerate any further?

One shudders to imagine.

UPDATE:  For those who don’t want to click the link, the full story without picture is also here.  But, the blogger linked above has posted the image further down the post, so as not to be the first thing you see, and also has a warning that the image below is graphic.

(via Robert McClelland on Twitter)

Reproductive McCarthyism and a new nadir of authoritarian dumbness

Frankly, it didn’t surprise me a bit that SUZANNE would be All In with the idea of publishing a database of personal information and photos of gynecologists and other reproductive health professionals whose services include — but are not limited to — abortion. How awesome she must imagine it would feel to stand before the trembling masses of healthcare providers and the women they serve, and say:

“I have here in my hand a list…”

After all, SUZANNE is among those who greeted the assassination of Dr. George Tiller with dramatic fluttery sighs and flaccid exhortations against violence after years spent vilifying and demonizing the man, to the unsurprising end that he was murdered by one of their more zealous fellow travellers.  Not a Hit List?  Pull the other one.

But as she struggled feverishly to rationalize what is clearly and undeniably nothing more than an anti-abortion Hit List, she crossed a Rubicon of Authoritarian Madness that even surprised me.  From the comments at her blog (which is unlinkable due to her sophomoric habit of redirecting links to fetus pron):

“They might in the future”??

It’s difficult to know how to respond to that without perpetuating Godwin’s Law.

When the wind is right, is a faint odour of kerosene exhaled from SUZANNE?

Dreams & Schemes & Circus Crowds: On Teh Newticles

I usually find it’s helpful to try and see things from both sides, from left and right, from up and down, from win and lose… and still somehow…

… I am utterly baffled and astonished by this:

Newt Gingrich pulled off a dramatic upset over Mitt Romney in the South Carolina Republican primary Saturday, reviving his own candidacy for the party’s presidential nomination and raising new doubts about that of his suddenly weakened rival.

Mr. Gingrich captured 40 per cent of the vote, compared to 28 per cent for Mr. Romney. Rick Santorum and Ron Paul trailed with 17 per cent and 13 per cent, respectively.

Does anyone have a rational explanation of how Values’ Votin’ South Carolinians(?) can look at this hypocrisy-oozing pusbag of amoral serial-marrying scum and fetid opportunistic malfeasance and think

“Yep, he’s our guy!”

???

Happy Birthday Roe v. Wade

Let the shrieeeeeeekfest begin.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Today America celebrates 39 years of the right to reproductive choice, a hard-fought battle that continues to this very day in spite of choice being the law of the land.  But in a press release today Pres. Obama vowed to protect abortion rights:

As we mark the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, we must remember that this Supreme Court decision not only protects a woman’s health and reproductive freedom, but also affirms a broader principle: that government should not intrude on private family matters. I remain committed to protecting a woman’s right to choose and this fundamental constitutional right. 

Could anything illustrate the difference between the 2012 Presidential candidates — whichever GOP candidate is eventually chosen — as starkly as this issue?

And one other point of interest, if you please: why is it that the teabaggers, who are so insistent that government stay out of everything, are cool with the idea of the state policing American wombs?  I’ve never quite been able to square that one: I suspect it may not be square-able.  Or even square-worthy.

 

Where’s stageleft

I certainly hope this doesn’t mean anything other than technical issues…

EDIT:  Ack!  I use that “Brain Damage” tag so often that it comes up automatically now.  (Rather sad commentary on the state of things, IMO.)  Sorry stageleft… wherever you are!

“Counselling”, anti-choice style

On what deranged planet would this be considered “counselling”?:

Newsflash, fetus fetishists:  the fence is there for a reason, and it’s not so your fat asses can get some exercise running up and down ladders.

(via RealtinConnor on Twit)

Karma’s a cold-hearted bitch on wheels

Marianne Gingrich, aka Mrs. Newt Gingrich II, is warped, bitter, twisted and trash-talking at top speed as if the world doesn’t already know what Vile Scum with Snail Slime on Top her ex really is:

Marianne Gingrich said she first heard from the former speaker about the divorce request as she was waiting in the home of her mother on May 11, 1999, her mother’s 84th birthday. Over the phone, as she was having dinner with her mother, Newt Gingrich said, “I want a divorce.”

Ah, but like 5pm, it’s always someone’s mother’s birthday somewhere, and it’s as good a time as any to drink a beer or dump a spouse.  Certainly a better time than, say… oh, never mind.

Newt himself was unimpressed:

Facing continued scrutiny of his personal life, Newt Gingrich on Thursday called an interview by his ex-wife Marianne Gingrich “tawdry and inappropriate,” and refused to answer any questions about it.

And why not?  If anyone knows Tawdry and Inappropriate, it’s the Newtster.  I’d take his word on Cheap and Sleazy as well.

And so the world turns — my stomach, at times — and new nadirs of dumbness continue to be scraped from the bottom of the GOP Primary barrel.  What’s so endlessly amusing about Marianne G’s burst of self-righteous fury and indignant rage is that, speaking of Bad Timing, wasn’t she the one who played Hide-The-Sausage with the philandering, out of control Newtster while his first wife was battling cancer?  And presumably gave two enthusiastic thumbs up to the idea of dumping Mrs. Newt the First while she was preoccupied with that cancer thing, maybe rationalizing it the same way Newt did:

“She’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer.”

I wonder which was the dealbreaker, the not-pretty-enough or the cancer?

It’s one of Life’s most basic lessons, and just one of the many reasons why you never, ever, ever screw around with someone else’s husband, especially one as completely and utterly morally bankrupt as Newt: apart from it just being Wrong, you have to know that if he’ll do it to her, he’ll do it to you.  And you can take that to the bank along with your alimony cheque.

GOP Presidential Primary Field: Now 16.6% Less Sane

Or to put it another way, 83.4% Batshit (and the jury’s still out on Ron Paul).

Jon Huntsman, the only thing between the GOP Presidential Primary Field and its own category in the DSM-IV, has left run screaming from the building:

Jon M. Huntsman Jr. informed his advisers on Sunday that he intends to drop out of the Republican presidential race, ending his candidacy a week before he had hoped to revive his campaign in the South Carolina primary.

Mr. Huntsman, who had struggled to live up to the soaring expectations of his candidacy, made plans to make an announcement as early as Monday. He had been set to participate in an evening debate in Myrtle Beach.

Another one bites the dust.  Not that it’s unexpected:  in that field, Huntsman was like the Head Counsellor at a summer camp for crack babies.

这么久 …

That means so long, Jon Huntsman!  Get yer Romney endorsement in, early and often.

And finally, Quote of the Week

The last word on this week’s Seinfeldian freakout goes to Red Tory:

I wonder if all the indignant liberal folks appearing on TV and fulminating in blogs that have been asserting Harper and the Conservatives were nefariously plotting to undermine gay marriage by stealth utilizing the legal system will now admit they were being completely hysterical and apologize for their baseless allegations?

Oh yeah, that’ll happen… about the same time as Santa Claus pulls up to my front door in a turbocharged sled with a dual exhaust and a 6″ lift kit loaded down with cases of Johnny Walker Blue Label, Peruvian Flake and winning lottery tickets.

UPDATE:  Whoops!  Second quote of the week… let’s give it up for BC Waterboy, commenting over at TGB:

As per usual with harper’s government, there is more to the story than meets the eye. When I reflect on the ongoing campaigns that the reformers engaged in to discredit the liberals, the tv ads, the mail out “voting” cards on who would handle such and such issue, I see this is a well played card to again, discredit the liberals, and to have harper come out appearing to be a moderate. (on an issue I really do think he wants to disappear, but his base won’t give it up). Harper is a brilliant strategist, he knows exactly what he’s doing, and it’s no different than this issue. He also had to have known that the unorganized left would over react as well, thus making them look like idiots. We keep falling for his tricks time and again and until we beat him at his own game, say hello to the naturally governing party, the western reformers.

I’m still not convinced the PMO had prior knowledge: Harper really looked to be blindsided by this thing.  But when it did raise its ugly head, the PMO knew exactly how to spin it to take maximum advantage of the overreaction: as a Liberal problem with HarperGov riding in to the rescue.

Top Democratic strategist Rahm Emmanuel once said “Never let a serious crisis go to waste”, a political tactic that works as well in Canada as it does in the USA.

In which a good case is made for the aerial spraying of Prozac® over the Progressive Blogosphere

With all due respect, please… get a grip.  Does anyone seriously believe this is part of Harper’s legendary Hidden Agenda®©™ to Destroy Gay Marriage?

As opposed to maybe, err um you know, a goofy screwup of lawyerly semantics over some uncrossed “T”s and undotted “I”s in our relatively-new equal marriage laws?

The Harper government is working quickly to change the law so that the marriages of the thousands of gay couples who travel to Canada to wed are legally recognized in this country.

“We want to make it very clear that in our government’s view, these marriages should be valid,” a senior government official told Postmedia News on Friday.

“That’s why we will change the Civil Marriage Act so that any marriages performed in Canada that aren’t recognized in the couple’s home jurisdiction will be recognized in Canada.”

Much as I’m loathe to defend the Harper Government, I will only dump on it when dumping is due, which in this case, it isn’t.  Hey, it wasn’t the odious Harpercons™ that crafted the legislation and forgot to cross the i’s and dot the t’s in the first place.  “Forgot”??  Or Martin’s Hidden Agenda??

And speaking of irrational paranoia and pot-stirring, the Globe & Mail has secured itself a permanent place in my Hall of Inflammatory Rhetorical Shame for starting their article on this non-event like this:

The Harper government has served notice that thousands of same-sex couples who flocked to Canada from abroad since 2004 to get married are not legally wed.

“Served notice”?  Now I wonder how many interpreted this to mean an actual notice, on paper, the kind that gets served in person by the court.  But never mind that:  the G&M also gets a citation in Hall of Hypocrisy and Silly Walkbacks.   Yesterday’s article on this topic, once shriekingly headed like this:

…has apparently taken its pill, done some yoga, calmed down a bit and realized its headline was complete Bullshit, and now looks more benignly like this:

The URL’s the tell!  Change it, turkeys.  Duh.

Not that I don’t harbour my own form of aberrant paranoia, and it makes me wonder what havoc the Harper Government©®™ managed to wreak on other areas of the Canadian body politic while everyone was busy running around in circles with their hair on fire over this non-issue.  Eyes on the ball, peeps.  We wouldn’t want the general electorate to get the idea that progressives are paranoid conspiracy theorists….

…or would we!??

Corporate Raiders of the Lost Ark

I feel a little sorry for the Democratic Party’s ad agency.  By the time the Republican candidate is chosen and advertising for the presidential election campaign starts in earnest, they’ll be like the Maytag Repairmen of the Marketing World if the GOP keeps supplying moments like this:

Woot!  Probably not the best sound bite given Romney’s well-documented history of job-destruction with Bain Capital:

For months, Mitt Romney has seldom been challenged on his claim that his leadership at Bain Capital LLC offers evidence that he knows how to create jobs. That has ended as his Republican rivals are accusing him of exploiting companies and firing workers in a quest to make millions.

And lovin’ every minute of it!

Rick Santorum and the Right to be Weird

Make no mistake: the frothy Rick Santorum is weird in ways that go light-years beyond grotesque.  But when he obligingly provides so much material for his opponents to work with, I wonder if this aspect of his weirdness is appropriate fodder for televised political debate:

During a segment on Fox News Monday, Alan Colmes told host Jon Scott that Santorum’s surge in the polls would be only temporary after voters discovered some of his history.

“Once [voters] get a load of some of the crazy things he’s said and done, like taking his 2-hour-old baby who died right after childbirth home and played with it for a couple of hours so his other children would know that the child was real,” Colmes explained.

 “You are mocking him,” Fox News contributor Rich Lowry interrupted. “They lost a child, Alan. That’s very serious and it’s not something you should be mocking on national TV.”

Lowry went a bit overboard, but — and this isn’t a sentence you’ll read here every day — I tend to sort of agree with him.  And why not?  Who’d know more about mockery and public humiliation than the guy who degraded himself before the Entire Internets in 2008 with his sweaty narrative about how Sarah Palin’s vice-presidential debate performance propelled him to new spastic heights of ecstasy that left sticky starburst-shaped stains all over his living room?

Bringing home an expired 20-week fetus to play with and show the other kids is a little weird, at least to me, and it’s probably not what I’d do.  But I’m not, nor have I ever been, Rick Santorum (or anything even remotely similar, thank god) so if he wants to do it, who am I to say he shouldn’t?   Unlike some of Santorum’s other infamous weirdness, this grieving ritual wasn’t hateful and didn’t hurt anyone else (except maybe his traumatized kids), so I can’t say I’m comfortable with something so private being held up for public ridicule in a mass media venue.  (To his credit, Colmes has apologized to the Santorums, and rightly so.  Progressives can do better, especially with as rich a mine of comedy gold as Santorum.)

The Santorums’ unusual grieving process is less important than the fact that it may have come about because of an emergency medical procedure that Santorum himself is obsessed with criminalizing (though the jury is still out on whether it was actually an abortion).  Besides taking hypocrisy to a new low, it shows a cognitive dissonance and lack of empathy that would be dangerous to women in the unlikely event that he won the presidency — which makes it fair game for open debate.

Rick Santorum’s right to be weird ends at other people’s wombs.

Good Instincts

This story reminded me of the joke about the highway patrol officer who pulled over a little old lady and while checking her ‘papers’, was surprised to see she had a concealed carry permit.  Amused, he asked her if she actually owned a gun, and was shocked when she told him she owned a .45, a .38 special and a Glock 9mm.  He asked “What are you afraid of?” to which she replied, “Not a damn thing!”

Anyway, onward…

Anyone who wants proof that Mothers with their Young of any species are the most dangerous creatures on the face of the earth and never, ever to be fucked with, need look no further than this story of New Years Eve mayhem and Just Desserts (served up with hot lead, ouch) out of Oklahoma last week.  Talk about levelheadedness: this young woman has it in spades:

A teenage mother shot and killed an intruder after a 911 operator said she was allowed to defend her infant son and herself with force.

Sarah McKinley, 18, killed Justin Martin with a single gunshot wound on New Year’s Eve when he forced his way into her Blanchard, Okla. home and came at her with a long hunting knife, ABC News reports.

To recap:  Young woman loses husband to cancer and immediately starts getting stalked by some loathsome execrable punk — stalker makes his big move and gets what’s coming to him.

Not everyone will share my response to this story (“W00t!”) — and that’s cool.  But the story made me ponder heavily on whether we realize the utter helplessness we’re sometimes reduced to by laws made ostensibly to protect us.

If you doubt it, ask yourself what you’d do in Ms. McKinley’s shitkickers.

Most of us will automatically say “Call the cops”.  Which is groovy, but even if you live next door to a donut shop, not especially efficient in the face of an imminent threat that’s 6 feet away and getting closer by the nanosecond, armed with a deadly weapon, blatantly ill intent, and an accomplice to ensure the playing field is anything but level.  If calling the cops is all you’re prepared to do in that situation, you might as well tell them to bring a body bag — for you.

Frankly, I’d rather be telling them to bring one for the guy who’s ill-advisedly spending his last moments in this Vale of Tears chasing me around my living room with a hunting knife.  But that’s just me.

Thankfully, the terrifying situation Sarah McKinley found herself in isn’t something the vast majority of us are ever likely to experience.  And it’s a damn good thing.

Give it up, Woodworth

When you’ve lost the National Post, it’s Game Over:

Anyone paying attention over the past few weeks would have spotted the most unlikely of Canadian events: a debate over abortion.  [...]

Mr. Woodworth’s quixotic campaign — and the P.E.I. activists’ failed attempts — prove that a broad debate in Canada on abortion is almost incapable of lasting more than a few weeks.

And it’s not just the National Post pronouncing that Woodworth’s sleazy little campaign to make Abortion the Canadian Political Topic du Jour is stillborn, DOA, pining for the fjords, etc.:

Even the Catholic bishop of Calgary, Fred Henry, agrees there is more to what Mr. Woodworth is proposing than meets the eye, even though he is sympathetic with what the MP is trying to do.

“He’s reaching for straws,” said Bishop Henry. “He’s grasping for anything that will open any kind of debate on abortion.

Bishop Fred Henry… gee, that name sounds so familiar.  And who exactly is Bishop Fred Henry?  One of these radical pro-choice Catholics?  Not exactly:

Calgary’s Catholic bishop said Tuesday he’s prepared to order Calgary Separate School Board officials to ban Progressive Conservative Leader Joe Clark from its schools.

Calgary’s Bishop Frederick Henry told a local radio talk show Tuesday that it’s “scandalous behaviour” for a Roman Catholic politician like Clark, MP for Calgary Centre, to declare himself pro-choice on the abortion issue.

Much as I support your right to talk and tweet and write little pressers about whatever tickles your fetus fetishizing fancy, if I were a friend my friendly advice would be to drop this particular crusade and move on to something that’s less likely to end in crushing, psychologically-debilitating disappointment.  You lost this one years ago to the side of liberty; it’s probably a bad idea to invite the public humiliation of losing it all over again.

Also, I don’t know if it’s occurred to you, but in this Foul Year of Our Lord 2012 Canadian taxpayers would no doubt prefer that the hard-earned money they’re paying their elected representatives is being spent on something a little more pressing than revisiting some long-dead Culture War issue.

Ya think??

EwpsCNN

A leftover from the other night that was screaming to get out of the hopper:

Who could blame CNN for making this mistake during their coverage of the Iowa Caucus on Tuesday?

Bachmann Palin, Palin Bachmann, my daughter my sister, my sister my daughter…

Does this prove the Media is Liberal or Conservative?  Or just Dumb and Drunk?

(from DrewCanTweet)

Who let the dogs in??

The GOP Primary Reality Clown Show has packed up its balloons and clown shoes and fart whistles and red foam noses and is headed for New Hampshire after a terrifying Tuesday night in Iowa.  Terrifying to sane humans, for sure, but even more terrifying to dogs.

It’s true: dogs everywhere shuddered in horrified unison Tuesday night when the vote came down to a squeaker between two humans who strike terror into canine hearts: Mitt Romney and Rick “Frothymixture” Santorum, with Romney winning by a cold wet nose:

In the closest ever results in the history of the Iowa caucuses, Romney defeated Christian conservative Santorum by a whisper — just eight votes — in Tuesday’s opening shots of the 2012 White House race.

Dogs aren’t happy with the humans’ dimwitted choices, and with good reason.

They still growl quietly among themselves about poor Seamus Romney, the Irish Setter who took a wild and now-legendary ride atop the Romney family station wagon, and his visceral response to this torment.  Grrrr.  Clearly Canine Rights wouldn’t be a high priority in a Romney Administration.

Even worse is loathsome Christofascist pinhead Santorum, with his deranged and vile remarks about Man-On-Dog sex.  Woof!!  Years later, he perversely stands by his bizarre comments, and in spite of it being clear that most of the world would rather he kept his reflections on that particular subject to himself, he’s anxious to reiterate them at every opportunity.  It seems that as far as Santorum is concerned, a demented obsession with bestiality isn’t a bug, it’s a feature: then again, what better way to get a lock on the Christaliban Dogfucker vote?

It’s no wonder that the possibility of this repugnant bag of human scum becoming Leader of the Off-Leash World is a matter of such great canine concern.

A Kick in the Crystal Balls: Predictions Prognostications and Ominous Portents of a Noxious New Year

Yesterday was the End of something and today is the Beginning of something else — I can tell by the way the execrable gloom that always pursues me at this time of year is finally losing ground and dissipating.  Nothing helps put an old year behind better than making predictions for the new one, so in the interest of good mental health, here goes: stand back!

(1) Canada’s Opposition Parties will merge to form one “Liberal Democratic” party.  A week later some uncompromising malcontents will leave to form a more leftist party.  Stephen Harper will sit back and observe it all with a gleaming, jaundiced eye and a gloating reptilian smile.

(2)  Occupy Canada will return in the spring, but the Powers that Be will be ready: in darkened warehouses across the country, thousands of pepper spray containers already sit and murmur “Expect us.”  Stephen Harper will sit back and observe it all with a gleaming, jaundiced eye and a gloating reptilian smile.

(3) The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup, but only because none of the final games will be attended by the Prime Minister and the Leafers will deftly evade the dreaded Stanley Cup Curse of Harper.  Stephen Harper will sit back and grouse about the missed photo-op with furious red eyes and a cold reptilian snarl.

(4)  The SoCon or Bust blog will start up again when it becomes painfully evident to its author that idle hands are indeed the devil’s blistered and calloused playground.  Stephen Harper will sit back and wonder how to secure the votes of such deranged monsters without becoming one himself.

(5)  Canadian Progressives will remain a lame, fractured and squabbling constituency.  They’ll be unified only in the way they condescend to the Canadian electorate, which they’ll continue to regard as loathesome brain-damaged slugs who wouldn’t know what’s good for them if it kicked them in the ass.  The electorate will continue to respond accordingly, and Stephen Harper will sit back and observe it all with a gleaming, jaundiced eye and a gloating reptilian smile.

(6)  Laureen Harper will at long last pack up her bike, zip up her leathers, give her husband one final “for Old Times’ Sake” asskicking all around 24 Sussex, and hit the road.  She’ll sit back on her bike with her feet on the highway pegs, face in the wind and knees in the breeze, give it some throttle and scream “Sayonora, suckaaaah!” with the joyous grin of an escaped death row prisoner.

(7)  Barack Obama will cruise easily into a second term, thanks to the GOP and something called “Occupy Election”.

(8) Occupy Wall Street will return in the spring, more professionally-outfitted and in greater numbers and will continue to influence the political narrative in the US and abroad.  MSNBC will hire an OWS correspondent.  Banksters will get even richer investing in pepper spray futures.

(9) Ron Paul will come very close to winning the GOP nomination, until he’s utterly destroyed by Fox News.  He’ll storm away and form a 3rd party, and Stephen Harper will hoist himself up and shout: “TWO WORDS:  REFORM PARTY!”

(10)  Donald Trump will make another pretend run for President, this time as an Independent running on the all-important Birth Certificate platform.  His campaign will come to an ugly and untimely end when his hair commits suicide in embarrassment by leaping off his head in the midst of a pivotal stump speech.

There’s something to be said for lowered expectations, and those are mine:  you’re welcome to argue, agree or add your own in the comments.

NOOOOOOO!

Fapfapfapfapfapfapfap!

The Blogosphere just got a little less fappier, the Culture of Death a little zestier, and this blog a little less mocking, derisive and occasionally hilarious, as one of my favourite sources of material over the years shuts down.

On the upside, I no longer have to worry about the dangers inherent to exposure to such material –  like being assailed by a fiendish sexual frustration so tangible that it leaps right out of a blog post, crashes through my computer screen and furiously humps my leg until dropping exhausted to the floor.

But still, on a Risk/Reward basis, the laughs were definitely worth it.

Fap… fap… faaaaa…

(A heartbroken h/t to BCL)

She must have been lonely

…and wanted a visit from some of those hunky Secret Service dudes:

Hours after Pennsylvania State Police arrested a 21-year-old Idaho man for allegedly firing a semi-automatic rifle at the White House, the top student official for the College Republicans at the University of Texas tweeted that the idea of assassinating President Obama was “tempting.”

At 2:29 p.m. ET, UT’s Lauren E. Pierce wrote: “Y’all as tempting as it may be, don’t shoot Obama. We need him to go down in history as the WORST president we’ve EVER had! #2012.”

Pierce, the president of the College Republicans at UT Austin, told ABC News the comment was a “joke” and that the “whole [shooting incident] was stupid.” Giggling, she said that an attempted assassination would “only make the situation worse.”

Republicans, it’s your dull-eyed, feeble-minded, slow-witted Future, giggling brainlessly over assassination jokes.

Hard as it might be to believe, there could well come a time when the gong show currently beclowning itself in the GOP presidential primaries actually looks good.

Just in time for Friday

The one and only Pepper Spray Cop Game.

Rainy day, spray away…*

*(With apologies to Jimi Hendrix)

“If you’re pre-born you’re fine, if you’re pre-school you’re fucked”

As the children of Attawapiskat endure yet another day of grinding poverty, the “Harper Government” cries “Oh look!  A fetus!”:

A Conservative MP is seeking to reopen Canada’s abortion debate, apparently against his government’s wishes, by asking Parliament to consider “21st century medical evidence” on when a fetus becomes a person under the law.

It was only a matter of time before another member of the CPC’s perpetually-muzzled and brainless Fetus Fetishist Contingent got off-leash and ran amok all over the neighbourhood, barking deliriously, upending garbage cans and rolling ecstatically in the rotten swill before making off with the choicest bits of dreck.

Yesterday’s foul-smelling trash-toting garbage dog was MP Stephen Woodworth of Kitchener Center, who trotted up to the Media wagging his tail and proudly holding this hunk of rancid meat in his teeth:

A recent poll disclosed that 80% of Canadians believe that Canadian law protects the fundamental human rights of children before birth in the later stages of gestation.

In fact, the opposite is true.  Canadian law provides no human rights protection whatsoever for children before the moment of complete birth.  This results from an unusual Canadian statute which defines a human being as a child who has completely proceeded in a living state from the mother’s body, whether or not the child has breathed.  This means that in Canada a child is legally considered to be sub-human while his or her little toe remains in the birth canal, even if he or she is breathing.

I can almost hear the Fetus Lobby squealing “Good boy, Stevie, have a cookie!”

It’s a sad commentary on his demented priorities that while living, breathing Aboriginal children exist in such desperate squalor that the UN is calling our government out on it, Woodworth is preoccupied with those that haven’t even been born yet.  “Pro-Life”?  “My-Ass”.

Woodworth’s press release, in which the word “abortion” is sneakily absent, nonetheless reiterates the popular anti-choice contention that women and doctors are so intellectually and morally bankrupt that abortion 2 minutes before birth is an option they’d actually consider.  Intelligent people recognize the notion for what it is: fatuous at best and a savagely misogynist insult to women (and the medical profession) at worst.  Which is why the idea typically goes down in flames, amidst raucous laughter and hoots of derision, whenever one of these crackpots raises it.

But that doesn’t stop them from trying.  The latest kick at this well-worn can may be an attempt to light a fire under this goofy little project, which in spite of its elegant slavery and “3rd Reich” analogies doesn’t seem to be attracting anyone except other fetus fetishists to engage in “The Debate”.

(h/t – DammitJanet)

Fedex: When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight

…but not necessarily in one piece:

In the video description, Goobie55 writes “The sad part is that I was home at the time with the front door wide open. All he would have had to do was ring the bell on the gate.” After being posted on YouTube, the video has attracted many comments relating to the plight of the homeowner and users are sharing negative delivery stories about FedEx through video responses as well. YouTube users have also responded by adding music to reposts of the video, the most timely being “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” 

According to The Daily Mail, FedEx Senior Communications Specialist Shea Leordeanu stated “All of us here at FedEx have seen the video and quite frankly we were shocked.” Company officials plan to track down the delivery driver in addition to getting in touch with the YouTube user that posted the video in order to offer compensation for the monitor as well as an official apology.

As usual I’m late getting my presents in the mail — an insurmountable anti-Christmas mental block does the same thing to me every year.  I was thinking about FedEx-ing them, but after seeing this video I guess they’ll just be late.  Again.  And why not?  It’s becoming a Family Tradition.