We always knew they were wankers

Now the rest of the world is catching on, by the looks of William Saletan’s article in Slate this week, outstandingly titled “Wank Thyself — The Pro-Life Case for Masturbation”:

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, masturbation is “intrinsically and gravely disordered.” That’s because “sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” If you aren’t making babies, you can’t play with the equipment.

But what if playing with the equipment helps you make babies?

The article then goes on to cite a recent study that shows daily ejaculation improves the quality of sperm:

Daily sex (or ejaculating daily) for seven days improves men’s sperm quality by reducing the amount of DNA damage, according to an Australian study presented today (Tuesday) to the 25th annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Amsterdam.

A fap-fap-fapple a day keeps the urologist away!

In the Catholic context of sex-for-procreation-only, Saletan muses that since  daily autonomous ejaculations improve sperm quality and make reproduction that much easier, they shouldn’t be proscribed as “disordered”.  Anything that facilitates the end goal of producing more tithing Catholics should not only be acceptable but favourable and highly recommended behaviour for anyone who considers procreation the sole purpose of sexual congress.   Somebody call the Pope and tell him “Ur doin it wrong!” because Saletan’s theory makes sense.

But only if one’s logic circuits haven’t been fried and fused together into wizened little raisin-like clumps of nonfuctional sinew by feverish religious fervour.   There’s no doubt that many of these people already have matters well in hand, but I don’t think the Pope will be writing an encyclical praising the procreative glory of pounding the hound anytime soon.