Shorts

Just some funny “shit” happening out there on the Internets tonight…

Who says cWilliamDonohue01-sonservatives are satire-challenged? The Catholic League flogs Bill Donohue’s new book, “Secular Saboutage”, reviewed by famous conservatives like Donald Wildmon, Laura Ingraham, Michael Medved, and… Stephen Colbert.

Still with the Catholic League, Bill Donohue announces the official start of this year’s War On Christmas.  Cultural Fascists, start your religious speech censorship engines.

Doug Hoffman, down but not out: Hoffman, the teabagger candidate in NY-23 whose claim to fame is handing a century-old GOP safe seat to hoffmanthe Democrats, will be giving a speech at a GOP dinner in a few weeks, so his 15 minutes aren’t up.  Who knows, this creepy little geek with the cheap suit, the $5 praise-the-lord haircut and the eyes of a child molester might just be the template on which all future GOP candidates are modeled.   (Fingers crossed.)

Math is hard, Teabagger Barbie: After their anti-health care rally at Capitol Hill today, teabaggers are once again playing fast and loose with crowd estimates.   Maybe the fetus fetishist teabaggers are counting their eggs and sperms?

And last but not least, the worst alibi of the week: “I wasn’t exposing myself, I had Explosive Diarrhea.   explosive-diarrhea

Bang!  That’s it.  Hasta la vista.

27 Responses to “Shorts”


  1. 1 Peter Friday, November 6, 2009 at 3:34 am

    Surely all this early hooplah and excess will keep today’s children from understanding the real significance of the birth of our Lord. When I was a kid, the war on Christmas didn’t start until mid-December.

  2. 2 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 5:49 am

    Peter – Mid-December? A 2-week War!? :shock: Two weeks is only long enough for a war if it’s in the Middle East… but I guess that is, after all, the site of the *Original* War on Christmas ;)

  3. 3 sassy Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:11 am

    Dear Miss Style Advisor, what to wear to a War on Christmas Party.

  4. 4 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:58 am

    sassy – Well, a red and green helmet for starters.

  5. 5 Peter Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:31 am

    sassy, a War-on-Christmas Party? That’s brill.

    Christmas Party–presents for everybody
    WOC party–a silent auction of used clothing for AIDS research

    Christmas Party–plum pudding and shortbread
    WOC Party–fat free zucchini muffins

    Christmas Party–mistletoe
    WOC party–bowl of condoms

    Christmas Party–singing Christmas carols
    WOC party–reciting the resolutions of the annual meeting of the Swedish Humanist Society

    Christmas Party–turkey & trimmings
    WOC party–a vegan buffet

    Christmas Party–watching the Queen’s Christmas message
    WOC party–watching Obama’s speech on healthcare

    Christmas Party–eggnog punch with extra dark premium rum
    WOC party–spritzers with preservative-free cider and naturally carbonated spring water

    Christmas Party–A reading of the Night Before Christmas
    WOC party–A reading of The Selfish Gene

    Christmas Party–asking the kids what they want from Santa
    WOC party–lecturing the kids on climate change.

    Christmas Party–ending with a recording of Pavarotti singing Silent Night
    WOC party–ending with a recording of Bono reciting the UN Declaration on Human Rights

    Good times, good times…

  6. 6 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:42 am

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Christmas Party – The centerpiece of the room: a big evergreen tree, to be decorated by the children

    WOC Party – The centerpiece of the room: a big pot plant, to be smoked by the flower children

  7. 7 J. A. Baker Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:52 am

    Bill Donohue announces the official start of this year’s War On Christmas.

    And in doing so, Bill Dono-spew announces the official start of the War On The War On Christmas.

  8. 8 J. A. Baker Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:55 am

    Christmas Party – Singing the Wassail Song

    WOC Party – Singing the Thong Song

  9. 9 Cornelius T.Zen Friday, November 6, 2009 at 8:37 am

    Good morrow, all!
    The cry goes out:
    “Help! I’m white, male, straight, Christian, and the 21st Century is too much for me!”
    “We must turn back the clock, before a time when progressives began to ruin America. Before the legalization of abortion, before the registry of black voters, before the vote for women, before the freeing of the slaves…why, oh, why, could we only shoot that commie Lincoln once?”
    “Uppity niggers, uppity greasers, uppity fags and dykes, uppity bitches, uppity furriners…America is supposed to be the land of the free…white, straight, Christian Man!”
    I can hear them crying: “Help me! Help me! Glenn Beck says I’m oppressed! Rush Limbaugh says I’m marginal…um…marginal…I don’t got no rights no more!”
    Yes, we must help these poor, oppressed, melanin-challenged, testosterone-overdosed, never-to-be-fabulous, Saviour-obsessed victims of political correctness.
    Call 1-800-Payback-Is-A-Bitch and help today! – CTZen

  10. 10 hemmingforddogblog Friday, November 6, 2009 at 9:38 am

    JJ: This is breaking news! OMG!OMG! You have found the only conservative with a sense of humour. Can we keep him?

  11. 11 Dr. Prole Friday, November 6, 2009 at 10:23 am

    At the War on Christmas party, you can only kiss a member of your own sex under the mistletoe.

  12. 12 Jasper Friday, November 6, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Cornelius,

    It sounds like you’re suffering from white guilt
    . It’s ok, many liberals do.

  13. 13 Janus Friday, November 6, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Jasper, you seem to think CTZen is either liberal or white.

    What are the chances you’re wrong on both counts, do you think?

  14. 14 toujoursdan Friday, November 6, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    On the other hand Jasper seems to feel nothing at all (other than rage).

    Feeling guilt requires a certain degree of empathy toward others. It’s one of the last emotions we gain as we mature.

  15. 15 Jasper Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    ‘What are the chances you’re wrong on both counts, do you think?’

    0

    “Feeling guilt requires a certain degree of empathy toward others. It’s one of the last emotions we gain as we mature.”

    from Shelby Steele on white Guilt:

    What this is an attempt by whites to regain the moral authority they lost after the Civil Rights Movement, and black contempt toward “Uncle Tom” complicity with white hegemony, resulting in a shirking of personal accountability. Steele makes a passionate case against the “Faustian bargain” he perceives on the left: “we’ll throw you a bone like affirmative action if you’ll just let us reduce you to your race so we can take moral authority for ‘helping’ you.”

    quite disgraceful for you liberals, turns out you are the racists…

  16. 16 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    SQ

    This is breaking news! OMG!OMG! You have found the only conservative with a sense of humour.

    And intelligent and rational too! :shock: We may have to apply to Environment Canada to put him on the Endangered Species list.

    Can we keep him?

    I certainly hope so! :lol:

  17. 17 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    JAB – That’s great, the Thong Song.

    Ah, it’s the most wonderful time of the year…

  18. 19 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    CTZen – All kidding aside, I wonder how many of these folks might change their minds a little about health care reform if their information sources weren’t so limited?

    Obviously, most media outlets spin stories to varying degrees, but if you look at a few different versions of the same info, it becomes a little easier to divine the truth, or at least make an informed decision about what to believe.

    What I find really sad about the teabaggers and the health care debate is that so many of them are working against their own self-interest.

  19. 20 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Dr. Prole

    At the War on Christmas party, you can only kiss a member of your own sex under the mistletoe.

    Very good!
    ETA – Instead of SANTA coming down the chimney, SATAN comes down the chimney

  20. 21 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    Janus – Jasper must have received his Dittohead Nation talking points in the mail this morning.

    Hey Jasper, aren’t you gonna say something about anal poisoning? That was Rush’s anal fixation of the week, “anal poisoning”.

  21. 22 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    toujoursdan

    On the other hand Jasper seems to feel nothing at all (other than rage).

    I’d be enraged too if I was about to get affordable healthcare after enjoying years of getting ripped off by big insurance companies.

  22. 23 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Jasper

    What this is an attempt by whites to regain the moral authority they lost after the Civil Rights Movement

    We don’t really have that problem up here in Canuckistan. You may recall, we were on the right side of history right from the start.

  23. 24 JJ Friday, November 6, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    JAB

    Bill Donohue? Is that you?

    That’s not explosive diarrhea, he’s just giving a speech.

  24. 25 Janus Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 7:08 am

    “‘What are the chances you’re wrong on both counts, do you think?’

    “0”

    I was hoping you’d say that! You wanna sit in on a poker game with us next weekend?

  25. 26 J. A. Baker Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Christmas Party – Devolves into an orgy after the participants get drunk on the egg nog.

    WOC Party – Devolves into an orgy before any of the participants get drunk!

  26. 27 Cornelius T.Zen Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Good morrow, all!
    Jasper: Guilt? Moi? Whatever for? My ancestors, on both sides, suffered from the imperialistic ambitions of European monarchies. Go far enough back into my ancestry, and chances are, some multiple-great grandparent of mine either faced down the Bloody Butcher at Culloden or the Cossacks of Peter the Great.
    Guilt? Over what? Whatever makes you believe that, at any time, I would identify with heterosexual European Christian males, and condone or support their binding philosophy of divine entitlement to be, bluntly, assholes?
    I support, with great enthusiasm, equal rights, in all respects, for all people, regardless of gender, skin colour, sexual orientation, religion or whatever they prefer for breakfast.
    Guilt? Are you talking to me? – CTZen


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