Ten years for massaging meat

This is why people have so little respect for the law.

Exhibit A — Scott Roeder, confessed murderer of Dr. George Tiller, could conceivably end up being gifted with a prison sentence of less than 5 years if the charges are dropped to voluntary manslaughter.

Exhitbit B — this guy:

A South Carolina man has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for stealing an $80 slab of meat. The Times and Democrat of Orangeburg reported Thursday that 51-year-old Mark Zachary of Orangeburg received the maximum sentence after jurors found him guilty Wednesday of shoplifting.  Prosecutors said the sentence was justified because the Aug. 26 theft from Reid’s grocery store in Orangeburg was his ninth offense.

Authorities said when a store manager approached Zachary about the missing New York strip and the big bulk under his shirt, he fled, right into the arms of an off-duty police officer.  [...]

Zachary testified he was “massaging” the meat, not stealing it.

Hmmm, massaging the meat, eh?  Heh.  Whatevs.

But TEN YEARS!??  Is that not a bit of overkill?  I realize it’s the guy’s 9th offense, and he obviously has A Problem, but if all his other offenses were as meat-beatingly lame as this one, I don’t see how it adds up to deserving ten(10) years behind bars.  Lucky for Scott Roeder that his crime didn’t take place in South Carolina — if a serial meat-masseuse could get 10 years for what’s basically petty theft, a brainless, murderous brute like Roeder would be going away for about 5000 light-years

Edit: Light years? — whatever!  A commenter just reminded me that “light years” are distance, not time.  But you get the idea. (Fucking medication.)

4 Responses to “Ten years for massaging meat”


  1. 1 J. A. Baker Monday, January 11, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Lucky for Scott Roeder that his crime didn’t take place in South Carolina — if a serial meat-masseuse could get 10 years for what’s basically petty theft, a brainless, murderous brute like Roeder would be going away for about 5000 light-years.

    Except that it’s South Carolina. Roeder would be more likely to receive a comMENdation from local pols than conDEMNation for what he did, even more so than in Kansas.

    Because that’s how we roll in 21st Century ‘Murka. :roll:

    I swear, Canada’s looking better every day…

  2. 2 Aristocles Monday, January 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    A light year doesn’t measure time, it measures distance. It’s how far light travels, through a vacuum, in one year. Approximately 10 trillion kilometres. Otherwise, great post.

  3. 3 JJ Monday, January 11, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Aristocles – Thank you! I knew something was *off* about it — duh! Next time I use the googles.

  4. 4 JJ Monday, January 11, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    JAB – Not so fast, don’t give up yet. There’s still a possibility that the slime might slither back under its rocks if the teabaggers don’t do well this fall. (Then again, how would they know? They seem to think it’s a “win” even when they lose.)

    If Roeder gets a voluntary manslaughter conviction instead of (at least) 2nd degree murder, then maybe it’ll be time.

    Meanwhile, start stocking up on warm clothing.


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