Sun’s arise

SHRIEEEEEK!

Mayday! Mayday! The dreaded Sun TV News Network has been granted CRTC approval for a category 2 license and its Hate-Filled, Spittle-Flecked Assault on the Canadian Airwaves is imminent.    INCOMING!!!:

Quebecor Inc.’s (QBR.B-T36.720.100.27%) bid to create a new 24-hour news channel in Canada has taken another step toward the TV dial. On Friday, the federal broadcast regulator approved the license application for the Sun TV News Network.

The approval had been expected since last month, when the Montreal-based company adjusted its application to the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission, to request a standard license for a specialty channel.

Snark aside, I’m looking forward to Sun’s launch:  as a former ad exec I’m naturally fascinated by all media, and interested to see how the “conservative news” concept shakes out in Canada.   I am now, as I was 6 months ago, unmoved by the panic-stricken anti-Sun hysteria that escalated over the summer.  As a (very) occasional television viewer, I’m all for anything that adds diversity and choice to the line-up, and whether I personally find it an attractive option is irrelevant.    I only control one television in Canada, the one that sits unobtrusively — and silently, for the most part — in a corner of my front room.  I rule it with a cruel authoritarian’s iron hand and a hotrodded, high-powered remote, and all things that displease Your Highness are dispatched with a ruthless click!... BANG!  DEAD TO ME! But TVs beyond my property line are outside my jurisdiction, which is as it should be.

And really, in spite of all the weeping and moaning and gnashing of teeth, the feverish paranoia and furious fear-mongering, there’s little doubt that Sun will be just another bland, if blue-tinted, roadside attraction on the ever-expanding superhighway of cable TV pap and pablum.  “Fox News North”?   Not likely, says Sun’s Luc Lavoie:

“If we are ever even remotely as successful as Fox News has been so far, we will be delighted. As for the rest, I think it’s totally ridiculous,” he said.

I agree: a lot of sound and fury, signifying sweet fuck-all.  But here’s something that signifies a lot more than sweet fuck-all, from Lavoie’s description of Sun TV’s editorial flavour and target audience skew:

Lavoie did agree that the station will be “populist, blue-collar, irreverent and if one wants to go that way, right wing.”

“Blue collar”…?  Anyone remember when “blue collar” was a constituency of the left?

Ottawa cops and Orwell’s vision of the future

Unbelievable! This is a video that shows some Ottawa cops working over Stacy Bonds, the young makeup artist who was on her way home one night a couple of years ago when she had the supreme misfortune to encounter Mr. Policeman, and the temerity to ask why he had stopped and questioned her.   Ms. Bonds ended up getting arrested without cause, strip-searched, tasered, kicked, slapped around and on and on it goes.  All of which would have been unacceptable even if they’d pinched her for something, but she didn’t even do anything and she was by all appearances very compliant at the cop shop.   Out of control fascist assholes:

(… so let’s give them all our guns.)
*Sigh*

*************************************************

Music to imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever by:

(h/t Dr.Dawg)

The real DWTS conspiracy

Back when I was a young kid, we had an amorphous all-purpose saying of indeterminate meaning: “Can’t dance”. It was the 70s version of “Whatever” or “Oh well” or the ever-popular Primal Shrug. Forty years later, I still occasionally use it as an expression of general ambivalence — Can’t dance.  *shrug*

Which brings us to young Bristol Palin’s performance on “Dancing With The Stars”.  (Cut me some slack; I’ve been sick, and right now my brain is that of a primordial, low-functioning beast like a Gila Monster.  This is as much intellectual heft as I can handle at the moment.)

Never mind the assist from the devious vote-freeping campaign of Teabagger Nation, which got Palin further along in the competition than she might have deserved and fueled conspiracy theories in the world outside the blogosphere where people don’t know about things like freeping. No mystery there — it would have been more mysterious if they had not freeped the vote.  But there is a mystery, a different kind of mystery, a mystery of mathematics and physics and the immutable laws of Calories and Kilojoules:  how did Palin manage to gain weight while she was doing DWTS?

To wit, here is where we juxtapose!:

Uh-oh.  The “skinny” picture is from early in the competition and the other picture was taken more recently — and even the casual observer can see there’s some chunky-wunky going on.  Bodyweight generally fluctuates in inverse proportion to exertion: the more you do, the less of you there is to do it.   DWTS contestants reportedly train 8 hours a day, and in the calorie consumption sweepstakes that’s a feat of aerobic exertion on a par with with a couple of hours of hockey — and it’s several times a week.  So unless Palin was woofing back a wheelbarrow full of Nanaimo bars every day, this weight gain would seem to be mathematically impossible.

Unless she wasn’t really training all that hard because she was pretty sure she’d win either way.  On the day of the finale, a smug and snarky remark revealed a hubris that suggested this just might be the case:

In comments before the broadcast, Palin said, “Going out there and winning this would mean a lot. It would be like a big middle finger out there to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.“

No Bristol, it would be a “big middle finger” to the principles of fair play and good-faith competition;  you know, as opposed to corked baseball bats, anabolic steroids, loaded dice and insider trading.  Oh yeah, and freeping.  Fortunately, the principles of fair play won, and that “big middle finger” will just have to express itself some other way.   *shrug*

Can’t dance.

(To see someone who most definitely can dance, DWTS winner Jennifer Grey — old chicks FTW! – clickety-click!)

Merry Twatsmas, CC

The Wages of Assholery — about 85 Large.

Though I can’t say I’m thrilled with the litigious turn the blogosphere seems to be taking of late, some things are so wrong as to call for serious measures and this was one of them.   That’s what the Law is there for, and sometimes, it even works.

That said, we might want to resist the temptation to get too caught up in schadenfreude; Libel is far from the exclusive preserve of the right.  I’ve seen progressives do it casually and carelessly and almost certainly, unknowingly, but ignorance doesn’t make a statement any less libelous.  Use the Googles, kids, preferably before you hit “publish”.

Congrats CC, may all your Twatsmases be green.

 

Mr. Mojo Risin, vindicated at last

How cool is this?  Florida Governor Charlie Crist, last seen being rejected by the GOP for being insufficiently batshit insane, has decided to right a 41-year-old wrong:  unjust punishment for a penis-pulling that never happened.  Before his term is up, Crist will pardon Jim Morrison:

Forty-one years after Jim Morrison was arrested in Miami for indecent exposure at a concert, Florida Governor Charlie Crist has decided to pardon the late Doors frontman. “After reviewing the case and getting briefed on it, more and more it seems like a real injustice was done,” Crist tells Rolling Stone.

Jim Morrison?  This Jim Morrison?

Yes!  And the boys in the band say Do It!

Guitarist Robby Krieger and keyboardist Ray Manzarek, who played with rock legend Jim Morrison in The Doors, are supporting Florida Gov. Charlie Crist’s proposal to pardon Morrison for an indecent exposure conviction after a 1969 Miami concert.

Both bandmates said Wednesday that Morrison never actually pulled out his penis during the now infamous concert at the Dinner Key Auditorium.

I remember it like it was yesterday:  my friends and I wept openly as we returned our tickets for the the Doors concert at Maple Leaf Gardens that was scheduled for a few weeks after what is known as “the Miami incident” and subsequently, heartbreakingly, traumatizingly, cancelled, under a loathesome shadow of decadence and depravity.   Sure we got our 12 bucks back, but it didn’t make things right.

Know Your Leftie!: Ponytail Keffiyeh and Guatamalan man-purse edition

 

Conservative activists arrive at Galloway speech... no, really!

The sentinels at the command post guarding the gated community known as Conservative Canada (or as I like to call it, CONada) must have been snoozing at the switch, because yesterday the barriers were breached and the World’s Most Vicious Islamofascileftard was able to gain entry:

George Galloway kicked off a cross-country speaking tour by coming to York University, one of the places most polarized by Middle Eastern politics. [...]

It’s true… the Commieislamofascist Broadcasting Corporation welcomed him yesterday (though it wasn’t clear whether he will be appearing in Little Mosque on the Prairie anytime soon).  So… everybody freak out!

[...]  While a sold-out crowd of 500 gathered in a university auditorium on Tuesday to hear him, hundreds of others packed the hallway outside to protest against his presence.

Yes yes.  All very civilized, all very democratic, and that’s great:  dissenting voices are always a good thing no matter what side of an issue they’re on.  That is how you deal with speech you don’t like:  not by shutting it down, but by registering disagreement.   Unlike some other controversial figures, Galloway was at least permitted to speak.  Galloway spoke, those who wanted to hear him listened, and those who disagreed with him made that sentiment known.  Democracy in Action.

But what’s this:  a little Alinsky-ish “working within the system”-type creative subterfuge?:

An email circulating among Zionist and pro-Israel opponents of Mr. Galloway offers a novel and surprising glimpse into audience strategy in the YouTube era, in which the audience doubles as the media. It suggests Mr. Galloway can expect novel forms of resistance, to say nothing of aggressive questions, from a shadow army of pony-tailed Zionists disguised by keffiyehs and “hand-woven Guatemalan man-purses.”

Guatamalan man-purses!?  Do go on…

She urges people to get tickets, arrive early, get in line, and split up so they will not be spotted. Aisle seats are best for getting to the microphone quickly during the question-and-answer session, when you should ask questions that prove your point.

But it is the fashion advice that best captures the devious spirit of the age.

“When in Rome,” Ms. Hill said. “If they do not know your face, wear a keffiyeh or hijab or hippy-type clothing (blue jeans, Birkenstock sandals with socks, hand-woven Guatemalan man-purses, long scarves on men, etc.)”

“If you’re a middle-age man with a ponytail, you’ll fit in just fine.”

Hm.  Am I the only one who’s reminded of this?:

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, But his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can’t find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck. – The Chief

Bwahahaa!

Quid Pro Quo, PBeeeze

In the comments of the Happy Wanderer’s post about the new BTs Exposeinator, “In Their Own Words”, lurks a veiled threat… stand back!:

I take that to mean that chubby little Cheeto™-stained fingers are flying over sticky keyboards and feverishly assembling another Exposeinator, “Progressive Bloggers, In Their Own Words”, even as we speak.

This was actually one of the first things that occurred to me when I saw “BTs, ITOW” — that some outraged rightwing smartass would attempt to do a copycat site focusing on PBs.  As I pondered briefly over who’d have the honour of being featured in such a setup, I couldn’t help wondering how successful an endeavour it would be, given the relative dearth of material.  I’m not implying that Crazy, Dumb and Mock-worthy are the exclusive preserves of the right, because  they’re not.  Measures of bombast and hyperbole, hysteria and hypocrisy and even misinformation can be found in surprisingly healthy quantities in every corner of the political spectrum:  it’s just that one corner’s cup seemeth to runneth over.

But you never know what an enterprising Blogging Tory might find when they start plumbing the progressive depths:  the leftwing version of Dodo could be out there just waiting to be discovered.

A potentially sumptuous feast

…of brainless white noise and depraved human dumbness awaits!

This is kind of awesome:  it’s like a Synopsis of Stupid, a Catalogue of Crazy, all in one place.  No longer must we plumb the depths and gingerly turn over the rocks to see if anything oozes out, it’s all there in one handy little Directory of Dumb:  the “best” of the BTs, In Their Own Words!

It takes me back to the Good Old Days of stageleft’s Conucopia (gone, gone, like the snows of yesteryear).

(Whoops!  H/T Scott’s Diatribes)

Baby lion cubs learn to swim, blogger felled by flu

I hate doing a single post just to say I’ve been AWOL because I’ve been deathly ill, so to make things a little more entertaining, check out these photos of  8-week-old baby lion cubs learning to swim.  Oh, fer cute:

Gah!  The sweetness!  Squeeee-a-riffic!

We return to regularly-scheduled not-so-sweetness ASAP.

Hair Crimes and Misdemeanours

Today we can add one more threat to the list of grave and growing dangers that keep society quivering under its bed in a state of collective nervous breakdown — the scourge of unlicensed barbering:

As many as 14 armed Orange County deputies, including narcotics agents, stormed Strictly Skillz barbershop during business hours on a Saturday in August, handcuffing barbers in front of customers during a busy back-to-school weekend.

It was just one of a series of unprecedented raid-style inspections the Orange County Sheriff’s Office recently conducted with a state regulating agency, targeting several predominantly black- and Hispanic-owned barbershops in the Pine Hills area.

In “sweeps” on Aug. 21 and Sept. 17 targeting at least nine shops, deputies arrested 37 people — the majority charged with “barbering without a license,” a misdemeanor that state records show only three other people have been jailed in Florida in the past 10 years.

The operations were conducted without warrants, under the authority of the Department of Business and Professional Regulation inspectors, who can enter salons at will. Deputies said they found evidence of illegal activity, including guns, drugs and gambling. However, records show that during the two sweeps, and a smaller one in October, just three people were charged with anything other than a licensing violation.

So, let’s recap:

1.  The raids were conducted without warrants.

2. The raids were conducted in the guise of “regulatory inspection” — which, as it turns out, is a creative way to neatly get around the need for a warrant.  You have to wonder why narcotics agents would be needed to enforce Barbering Regulations.

But here’s the real outrage:  if the Authorities are going to be Clamping Down Hard on barbers, I’d hope that they’d be going after the nefarious felons who commit these atrocities:

Or maybe those fall under the category of butchering rather than barbering.

(h/t hit&run)

Olby’s back (soon)

NBC has capitulated to the tsunami of public wrath and outrage at the suspension of Keith Olbermann, who returns on Tuesday:

Keith Olbermann will be allowed to resume his nightly program on MSNBC on Tuesday, the channel’s president said Sunday night, after he was suspended for donating money to three Democratic candidates.  [...]

“After several days of deliberation and discussion, I have determined that suspending Keith through and including Monday night’s program is an appropriate punishment for his violation of our policy,” the MSNBC president, Phil Griffin, said in a statement. “We look forward to having him back on the air Tuesday night.”

W00t!  This calls for a celebratory dance:

Timmy Ho’s coffee, tailgate parties and a job that makes my feet tired

Haha, Margaret Wente there:

Before we venture further into this battle zone, you can calculate your elite status by taking this patented Elite-O-Meter test. See how you rate!

Safe in the knowledge that my elitist bona fides were impeccable, I took up the challenge.  Therefore it is with regret and a sense of failure so traumatizing that I may never leave the house, or even this room, again, that I report:

I am not a member of The Elite.

My supposedly secure elite status lies in smoking ruins because my job entails standing all day, I like a cup of Timmy’s and love a good tailgate party (especially when there’s a bonfire of such psychotic magnitude that extra beer is required for the imminent arrival of the fire department).   And that’s just three(3) points — there are (gasp) more, proving that I’m just a teabagger in elitist’s clothing.

Which makes me wonder:  If an unapologetic libtard like me isn’t an elitist, then who is?   Over to Mr. C:

Dark humour aside, Wente made a point that can’t be overstated:

Why do non-elites resent elites? Because they think the elites don’t understand them and don’t respect them. They can be right about that. They also tend to resent the elites of the liberal, nanny-statish variety who insist that they know better than the unwashed masses.

As a newly-minted non-elite myself, I can vouch for that.  Whether it’s smug and sanctimonious liberals getting on my back or sex-obsessed social conservatives humping my leg, I resent the attitude that anyone Knows Better than I do how I should run my life.  “Elitist” politicians ignore that sentiment at their peril, as Rob Ford proved.

Rachel Maddow on Keith Olbermann suspension

And now, as promised, a Special Comment from Rachel Maddow on the suspension of Keith Olbermann:

And besides:  who’s gonna read me my James Thurber story tonight?!!??

FREE OLBY!

$600B money bomb dropped on Wall Street

That sound you hear is the hum and clatter of printing presses fully engaged, running at top speed and spitting out fresh new greenbacks:

The Federal Reserve, in a dramatic effort to rev up a “disappointingly slow” economic recovery, said it will buy $600 billion of U.S. government bonds over the next eight months to drive down interest rates and encourage more borrowing and growth.

Many outside the Fed, and some inside, see the move as a ‘Hail Mary’ pass by Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke. He embraced highly unconventional policies during the financial crisis to ward off a financial-system collapse. But a year and a half later, he confronts an economy hobbled by high unemployment, a gridlocked political system and the threat of a Japan-like period of deflation, or a debilitating fall in consumer prices.

The mysterious economic manouevre (or as I prefer to call it, “financial arabesque”) known as “Quantitative Easing” is explained in further depth here, and more amusingly by Matt Taibbi, below:

The Adventure of the $18 Loaf of Bread, coming soon to a grocery store near you.

Batshit in America: Purity Purge edition

Look out, Olympia Snowe.  Watch your back, Scott Brown.

In a week when good news is at a premium for Democrats, this might make some Dems smile:  Red State has already started a list of RINOs (moderate Republicans) to be targeted by Teahadists in 2012:

John Barasso (WY)

Scott Brown (MA)

Bob Corker (TN)

John Ensign (NV)

Orrin Hatch (UT)

Kay Bailey Hutchison (TX)

John Kyl (AZ)

Richard Lugar (IN)

Olympia Snowe (ME)

Roger Wicker (MS)

Wait a minute – Scott Brown!!?? Glory really is fleeting.

It’s a weird strategy to be taking right after an election in which the GOP was denied both Houses of Congress due to the far-right spittle-flecked madness of their Senate candidates.  But hey, whatever boils their tea.

The best is yet to come (pass the popcorn)

While it might have fallen short of the Tseabagger Tsunami that many were predicting, yesterday’s midterm election was a pretty impressive performance for a movement (cult, whatever) that didn’t exist 2 years ago, and I don’t think anyone can take that away from them.  I do wonder what the results would have looked like if the GOP had been running more traditional establishment candidates — my guess is that they would have taken both Houses, but I guess it’s one of those Unknown Unknowns that Rummy was jabbering about.

But never mind that:  now the real fun starts.  I look forward to seeing the GOP explain to their teabagging overlords why they’re voting to raise the debt ceiling next year, after promising not to.  Ditto all the other unfulfillable promises they made on the teabagging trail, like cutting government spending and lowering the debt while giving away gazillions in tax cuts:

Good times!

Lightly buttered and hold the salt, please.

NBC calls House for GOP

Boehner as the Speaker?? Will he use a gavel or a golf club?  Good grief.

US midterm gibberish

Who ever could have imagined that nutty know-nothing Senate candidate Christeabagger O’Donnell might actually make the cut, thanks to low voter turnout?

I knew that USian “progressives” were disappointed in the Obama Administration’s performance (all 21 months of it) vis-a-vis progressive issues, and in some ways they have a legitimate beef.  But I think there are better ways to deal with the puke-coloured shag rug in the den than by burning the house down, if you get my drift.

But not to worry.  I’m sure “progressive issues” will be at the top of the agenda for a new Congress of teabaggers and their terrified toadies.

I’ve never bought into that old saw about “getting the government we deserve”, but in this case I think it might be apt.