It’s common knowledge that extremist antichoicers — the kind that favour egg-person laws — are cataclysmiscally clueless and brutally slow on the uptake. This grim reality is more than conventional wisdom: it’s almost a peer-reviewed science, re-proven week in and week out. This week’s been no different from any other, so once more for the road!
This was The Week That The Worm Turned like never before, as fetus fetishists who’ve been relentlessly flogging the doomed Motion 312 (aka “Woodworth’s Wank”, aka the “Men Who Stare At Zygotes” Motion) got whacked upside the head with a king-size cluebat, and finally realized something the rest of us have known for months: Motion 312 is DOA.
What’s long been screamingly obvious to the rest of us clearly shocked fetus fetishists who were slobbering giddily over the vague possibility that, with a good deal of sophistry, Motion 312 would clear the way to fetal “personhood”. And never mind that there are much easier ways to resolve this semantic issue without involving *The Fetus©®™ or threatening womens’ autonomy. Antichoicers have proven time and again that their most profound skill is the art of ignoring solutions that don’t give us all a One-Way Ticket to the Republic of Gilead.
But they blew it, like they always do. While “personhood” for fertilized eggs is a popular item in delusional Christofascist circles, to most Canadians — 94% of us, to be exact — the notion is so repugnant that any legal manoeuvreing in that direction has to be done in secrecy and pulled over on the General Public while they’re busy having non-procreative sex or getting illegitimately raped. And just try getting a fetus fetishist gripped in the throes of a twitching, trembling, eye-popping, Jesus-driven fetus fetishizing frenzy to keep quiet about something like Motion 312. Right from the start they were jabbering like gerbils on crack, contradicting Woodworth, each other and even themselves. The Motion’s true intention might as well have been broadcast in a flashy 30-second spot during the Superbowl: PERSONHOOD! PERSONHOOD! PERSONHOOD!
Most motions come and go without notice, but when the General Public inevitably got wind of Motion 312 it was properly appalled; if you doubt it, scan the comments at any online article on the topic. The coup de grâce was served up last month when the CMA declared their opposition to the Motion. This came as no surprise to Prochoicers who are well aware of the CMA’s long and proud support for Freedom of Choice, but the unconditional lab-coated bitch slap was a rude shock to the fetus fetishists. Suddenly it looked like their dreams of installing a tiny little police officer in every womb were about to be dashed upon the rocks of reason and privacy rights.
I can just imagine the sighs of relief from politicians of all stripes when Motion 312 is finally aborted. I can also imagine the sly, stupid smirks on antichoice faces dissolving into shock and horror when they realize that the absolutist position promoted by Motion 312 was the worst possible route to take, and that in their “last stand” they’re staring down the barrel of a “CRUSHING BLOW” to their cause. Not that this means we let up on defending our rights even an inch …
*With thanks to deBeauxOs