Archive for the '2012 US Presidential Election' Category

Skipping Down The Boulevard of Butthurt Broken Dreams

I delayed commenting on the Presidential Election — henceforth to be known as the Great Conservative Hyperkinetic Projectile Bed-Shitting of 2012 — because at first I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing.  I refer not to the re-election of One-Term-President Barack Hussein FourMoreYears Obama; that writing had adorned the wall for some time.  What’s truly astonishing is the Right’s response to it.

Not only is there no joy in Wingnutville, there’s shock, sputtering disbelief, bewilderment and utter confusion.

I was a little surprised myself as I took the temperature of the DarkSyde on election day.  Despite all the predictive science to the contrary, all day long right wingers delirious with dumb hubris brayed about the imminent crushing defeat of the MuslimKenyanFetusBully.  Drunk on their own bombast, pundit after pundit, blogger after blogger (and their commenters) ebulliently predicted a landslide victory for the doomed GOP ticket, even after the returns started coming in and it was obvious to everyone else that the shit-hammer was coming down hard.  It was surreal: Baghdad Bob came to mind.

No wonder they’re so shell-shocked: they really thought their man Mittens, once so despised and mistrusted, would cruise to an easy win on Tuesday.

For once, this reality deficit can’t be blamed on Low Information Voters being played by people who know better.  The delusion was top-down: so confident was Team Romney of a romp to victory that they broke with electoral tradition and didn’t even bother to prepare a concession speech:

“This is a big day for big change,” Romney told staffers and volunteers at a Cleveland-area campaign office.

On his campaign plane in between flights, he worked on his speech. He said he hasn’t written a concession speech, though he acknowledged the results might not come out in his favor. “Nothing is certain in politics,” he said.

That last point was certainly driven home on election night, eh?  No wonder conservatives are reeling: being so overconfidently sure that you’re right must make it all the more humiliating to be Wrong.

Since then, there’s been a lot of talk in quiet rooms and other places about the downside of ideological purity, changes of direction and GOP soul-searching.  (If you doubt it, google “GOP” + “soul-searching”.)   But there’s been just as much ominous chatter about hunkering down in fortified bunkers with lots of ammo and MREs.    Un-following, un-friending, disowning and even divorcing any Democrat.  Eventually one way or the other will prevail, but bear in mind that Humiliation and Butthurt are less likely to evolve into realistic pragmatism than the kind of aggrieved resentment that characterized Teabuggery.

Republicans have a right to be angry, but not at Democrats or the voters who returned them to power.  If they should be angry at anyone, it’s the hermetically-sealed, airtight Fox News/Limbaugh/right-wing-blogosphere Information Bubble that failed them so awesomely, so spectacularly, during this election campaign.

Rage Against the Lifesite Machine

In a bombshell of Outrageous Outrage exposed by an “incensed” “Ottawa Mom” (or should that be “MOM”?) last week, it was revealed that 52 Catholic school kids from St.Pete’s in Ottawa were heading down to Ohio on a Civics field trip to observe US election procedures. The too-much-time-on-her-hands Ottawa Mom was in a frenzy of fear that the trip might have an ulterior motive: to help the MuslimKenyanFetusBully win re-election.  After all, the Civics Teacher in charge of the mobile shindig, Scott Searle, made it clear on his Facebook page where he stands:

…and most incriminatingly, among Searle’s “Likes”: *GASP* “Obama For America“.  The pinch is in!  SHRIEEEEEEEEK!!

Incensed Ottawa Mom reported this Obamanation to her most trusted “news” source, Lifesite, the Canadian mouthpiece of batshit-insane extremist fetus-obsessed ultraconservative Catholicism.  Lifesite and its readers in turn responded with predictable Jesus-driven spittle-flecked fury.  Lifesite comments condemning the Catholic school board to fry forever in the afterlife convinced the Principal of St.Pete’s to cancel the trip:

Many anonymous commenters accused the board of being “incompetent” or condoning “the anti-Catholic policies of Obama.” Others said the board is “pro-contraception and pro-abortion” and “pays for contraception for their employees … and partners with groups that promote contraception in the developing world.”

One comment, which received 31 “likes” from fellow readers, said “If you support the party that supports abortion YOU BETRAY GOD.”

“I could see that the trip was causing unforeseen anxiety,” said McDonald who, after discussing her decision with Searle, gathered the 52 students on Thursday in the school’s chapel to break the news.

Searle is apparently well-liked by his students, and their response to the Lifesite article that led to the field trip being cancelled was swift and terrible.  Normally a LS article is lucky to glean 3 or 4 comments: the field trip article has over 300 as of this writing, as enraged students descend on Lifesite like hungry harriers on a rat-infested pasture.  They’ve also started a Twitter campaign, #TeamSearle, which is a hell of a lot more active than some zombie timelines I could name.  (#M312, I’m looking at you.)

If nothing else, the student response definitely puts lie to the notion that all those happy shiny young faces the Catholic schools bus in to the annual March for Feti are the next generation of wombcentric leg-humping hyperconservative Catholic punishment freaks.  Woot! Woot!  Go Team Searle!

Bible-thumping Bullshit

Bill Maher on the consequences of a Romney presidency:

Discuss. (LOL.)

(via Joe.My.God)

Tough on China

I now belatedly turn my attention south of the border, to the Circus of Clowns known as the Presidential Election, just 10 days away.

Of all the abject foolishness that’s been offered up by the GOP campaign, it would be hard to isolate a more sadly self-beclowning buffoon than Romney supporter, Birther and Attention Whore Donald Trump.  When he’s not screaming about “the Birth Certificate”, Trump bellows about “getting tough on China” because its currency manipulation makes life difficult for American industry.

The other night on Letterman Trump was predictably railing about kicking Chinese ass, when some shirts and ties from his signature clothing line were brought out:

Shirts made in Bangladesh:  $69.50 (marked down to $46.99)

Ties made in CHINA: $65.00 (marked down to $34.99)

The look on Trump’s face at getting completely and utterly busted:

Priceless.

Humour Break. Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

Joe Biden walks into a biker bar.  Immediately he’s got Jim’s ol’ lady sitting on his lap:

Reportedly Biden spent the rest of the day tugging on Superman’s cape, spitting into the wind, and pulling the mask off the old Lone Ranger.

That said, does this photo not cry for captions?  Have at ‘er.

(And Joe, if you ever need your lap warmed by another biker chick: Call me!)

(*fark)

The Good, the Bad & the Weird

In the vicious political circus south of the border, where they’re apparently having one of those “Presidential Elections” later this year, evidence of the retrograde brain damage afflicting the Republican Party continues to mount relentlessly. It’s been showcased all this week in the Republican National Convention, and last night it spiraled into madness.

Clint Eastwood showed up — more or less — and made the teabaggers’ day with an odd, sometimes incoherent routine that had him debating an empty chair and getting his ass kicked by it.  It was a strange and terrifying schtick, particularly for those of us at seniorhood’s doorstep.  And apparently not great PR, because after it painfully concluded actor Chris Rock was prompted to tweet:

And no wonder:

WHY, CLINT? WHY??

In other RNC News Of The Weird, Karl Rove apparently wants to whack Todd Akin:

We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!

Only a high-profile Republican windbag could get away with openly musing about assassinating someone.  But why not?  Akin might well be responsible for the GOP losing its chance to gain control of the Senate with his own bizarre comments about “Legitimate Rape“.  Not that he expressed an opinion most Republicans don’t share: his mistake was going public with it and getting caught, and then refusing to step down.

Meanwhile in Akinworld, the recalcitrant senatorial candidate begs for donations on Twitter, cursing the GOP’s upper echelons as the “liberal elite”.

 I’d be watching my back if I were him.

It’s all over now, leaving nothing in its wake but a riot of “MITT!” signs, a few random dried-out piles of elephant poop and some strange, strange memories. But as weird as the RNC was, stranger still is the fact that after electing a candidate the base despises, but who happens to be the only thing they can come up with that stands a chance in a general election, it still hasn’t occurred to the GOP that maybe what they really need a new base.

********************************************************************************

UPDATE:  And right on schedule, the inevitable half-hearted apology.  From Rove, anyway.   Clint Eastwood has yet to apologize for his abysmally weird performance,  unless he apologized to an empty chair.

********************************************************************************

UPDATER:  With typical deftness, balb points out that Eastwood’s speech may in fact have been Performance Art.  It makes sense when you think about it: the Empty Chair represents the Obama that only conservatives of the teabagging persuasion can see — the America-hater, the Socialist, the Kenyan Usurper, the Bloodthirsty Babykiller, the Far-Left Extremist and Presider Over Death Panels.

Oh shit

Nah, it’s probably nothing.

Santorum’s House of Fear

That dull roar you hear is the sound of All The Internets laughing uproariously at Rick Santorum’s new, desperately dramatic campaign commercial, “Obamaville”, a glimpse at America’s dystopian future under a second Obama term.

“Obamaville” is a post-apocalyptic Anytown USA, where religious freedom has been snuffed out like a candle, dead kids’ shoes lie in abandoned, rusted-out playgrounds, young couples survive on rations of tomatoes, people shoot themselves over high gas prices, seniors wait silently for their names to be called by the Death Panels and in the background, footage of crazed, nuke-enabled Iranian presidents runs in a continuous loop on all TV screens.

Ahhh!  They had me at the snuffed out religious freedom.  Okay, let’s get down to it: you must watch this thing to believe it:

How scary is that?  On a scale of 1 to 10… BE AFRAID!!

This spot is so jam-packed with subliminal messaging that as a refugee of the advertising industry, I instantly fell head over heels in love with it.  (Bad habits die hard.)   It fires an absolute ton of scary shit directly at the subconscious lizard brain of every half-bright citizen of Flyover Country:  the (presumably dead) kid’s shoe in the abandoned playground (play is outlawed in desolate Obamaville, and anyway there are no more kids because they’ve all been aborted), the baby dressed in red (which was probably as close as the campaign dared go to fetus pron, no doubt to Mr.Santorum’s extreme disappointment), the quick-cuts from the madman Ahmadinejad to a smug-looking President Obama (satisfied that he’s given the madman the capability to Destroy America, which of course was his evil plan all along when he pretended to be a US citizen so he could usurp the Presidency), and so on and on and on.  It’s freaking awesome.  You almost have to stop it every second or two to catch everything.

Red Tory has selected some frames from the commercial that you might not even know you’ve seen at first.  I totally missed the “kid going into scary forest” frame.  Anything else jump out at you? What’s the significance of the young couple with the bowl of tomatoes?  The family on the porch of the white house?  The group of men smoking and drinking?

Ahhhh, thankyou Santorum Campaign!

Meanwhile, in Post-Racial America…

Bumper sticker caught earlier this week that’s been making the rounds on Twitter and Facebook:

Actually, this thing’s been around for awhile:  Maddowblog caught a similar thing last year.

Not much to add, except #puke

Submitted without (much) comment

Because sometimes there’s just no comment I could possibly *come* up with that would provide adequate snarkification.  From Rick Santorum’s website, what is presumably a money raising promotion with the world’s greatest acronym:

It’s still there as of 2:45 Pacific, so the Santorum campaign must be delirious with joy, imagining that the surge of incumming clicks is potential donors.

2:54 – Bwahaa!  Still there.

(h/t trappedinawhirlpool on twitter)

From the “WTF Is Wrong With People?” file

Speaking of right-wing terrorism, here’s a little item that will reaffirm your faith in the inherent goodness of the human race… NOT.

Yesterday the campaign manager for Arkansas Democrat Ken Aden arrived home with his kids to find the family cat dead on the porch, with the word “LIBERAL” scrawled on its side in felt pen.

(Caution before clicking link below: graphic image of animal cruelty.)

Can the state of politics in the USA degenerate any further?

One shudders to imagine.

UPDATE:  For those who don’t want to click the link, the full story without picture is also here.  But, the blogger linked above has posted the image further down the post, so as not to be the first thing you see, and also has a warning that the image below is graphic.

(via Robert McClelland on Twitter)

Dreams & Schemes & Circus Crowds: On Teh Newticles

I usually find it’s helpful to try and see things from both sides, from left and right, from up and down, from win and lose… and still somehow…

… I am utterly baffled and astonished by this:

Newt Gingrich pulled off a dramatic upset over Mitt Romney in the South Carolina Republican primary Saturday, reviving his own candidacy for the party’s presidential nomination and raising new doubts about that of his suddenly weakened rival.

Mr. Gingrich captured 40 per cent of the vote, compared to 28 per cent for Mr. Romney. Rick Santorum and Ron Paul trailed with 17 per cent and 13 per cent, respectively.

Does anyone have a rational explanation of how Values’ Votin’ South Carolinians(?) can look at this hypocrisy-oozing pusbag of amoral serial-marrying scum and fetid opportunistic malfeasance and think

“Yep, he’s our guy!”

???

Karma’s a cold-hearted bitch on wheels

Marianne Gingrich, aka Mrs. Newt Gingrich II, is warped, bitter, twisted and trash-talking at top speed as if the world doesn’t already know what Vile Scum with Snail Slime on Top her ex really is:

Marianne Gingrich said she first heard from the former speaker about the divorce request as she was waiting in the home of her mother on May 11, 1999, her mother’s 84th birthday. Over the phone, as she was having dinner with her mother, Newt Gingrich said, “I want a divorce.”

Ah, but like 5pm, it’s always someone’s mother’s birthday somewhere, and it’s as good a time as any to drink a beer or dump a spouse.  Certainly a better time than, say… oh, never mind.

Newt himself was unimpressed:

Facing continued scrutiny of his personal life, Newt Gingrich on Thursday called an interview by his ex-wife Marianne Gingrich “tawdry and inappropriate,” and refused to answer any questions about it.

And why not?  If anyone knows Tawdry and Inappropriate, it’s the Newtster.  I’d take his word on Cheap and Sleazy as well.

And so the world turns — my stomach, at times — and new nadirs of dumbness continue to be scraped from the bottom of the GOP Primary barrel.  What’s so endlessly amusing about Marianne G’s burst of self-righteous fury and indignant rage is that, speaking of Bad Timing, wasn’t she the one who played Hide-The-Sausage with the philandering, out of control Newtster while his first wife was battling cancer?  And presumably gave two enthusiastic thumbs up to the idea of dumping Mrs. Newt the First while she was preoccupied with that cancer thing, maybe rationalizing it the same way Newt did:

“She’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer.”

I wonder which was the dealbreaker, the not-pretty-enough or the cancer?

It’s one of Life’s most basic lessons, and just one of the many reasons why you never, ever, ever screw around with someone else’s husband, especially one as completely and utterly morally bankrupt as Newt: apart from it just being Wrong, you have to know that if he’ll do it to her, he’ll do it to you.  And you can take that to the bank along with your alimony cheque.

GOP Presidential Primary Field: Now 16.6% Less Sane

Or to put it another way, 83.4% Batshit (and the jury’s still out on Ron Paul).

Jon Huntsman, the only thing between the GOP Presidential Primary Field and its own category in the DSM-IV, has left run screaming from the building:

Jon M. Huntsman Jr. informed his advisers on Sunday that he intends to drop out of the Republican presidential race, ending his candidacy a week before he had hoped to revive his campaign in the South Carolina primary.

Mr. Huntsman, who had struggled to live up to the soaring expectations of his candidacy, made plans to make an announcement as early as Monday. He had been set to participate in an evening debate in Myrtle Beach.

Another one bites the dust.  Not that it’s unexpected:  in that field, Huntsman was like the Head Counsellor at a summer camp for crack babies.

这么久 …

That means so long, Jon Huntsman!  Get yer Romney endorsement in, early and often.

Corporate Raiders of the Lost Ark

I feel a little sorry for the Democratic Party’s ad agency.  By the time the Republican candidate is chosen and advertising for the presidential election campaign starts in earnest, they’ll be like the Maytag Repairmen of the Marketing World if the GOP keeps supplying moments like this:

Woot!  Probably not the best sound bite given Romney’s well-documented history of job-destruction with Bain Capital:

For months, Mitt Romney has seldom been challenged on his claim that his leadership at Bain Capital LLC offers evidence that he knows how to create jobs. That has ended as his Republican rivals are accusing him of exploiting companies and firing workers in a quest to make millions.

And lovin’ every minute of it!


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