No, not that way, in case you were visualizing a morbidly obese pitbull wild-eyed with fear and a heart full of hate (no lipstick, at least not today, sailor), lifting a leg and leaving his “mark” on a blue sweater-clad fire hydrant.
Nope, we’re talking “A to F” marks, like the ones you get in school. On the January 4th episode of his critically-acclaimed “Word.ca”, our favourite religious right assclown, Charles McVety, “marked” Stephen Harper‘s performance on issues of interest to, well, Charles McVety:
1. MARRIAGE - Better late than never. The fundies have finally figured out that Harper pulled a fast one on them 2 years ago with his motion to vote on voting on whether to vote on a vote on voting to re-open another vote on voting on same-sex marriage, and they’re laying their vengeance upon him with a big fat *F*
2. PROTECTING CHILDREN – Age of Consent was raised from 14 to 16, hideous news for all those 16 year old boys with 15 year old girlfriends, but great news for the girls’ vengeful Christomaniac parents. Jailbait! Just like the good old days! *A*
(EDIT – On a more accurate and serious note, RB explains the full repercussions of the age of consent law in the comments here.)
3. UNBORN VICTIMS OF CRIME – Again, McVety’s got the feeling that he’s been scammed. Harper initially voted in favour of the infamous Bill C-484, but widespread negative response to it clued him in that this vile back door anti-abortion bill wasn’t the back door to a majority. Therefore he *quashed” C-484 right before the election, indicating that a bill protecting pregnant women would be considered instead. Putting pregnant women before fetuses earned Harper another *F*
4. CRIME – Screaming about “baby-rapers”, McVety makes it clear that Law-and-Order Harper doesn’t prosecute criminals to a full enough extent of the law (and beyond). Maybe the use of thumbscrews and jumper cables in rehabilitative therapy might score Harper something a little better than an underachieving *C*
5. CHILD PORN – Harper isn’t down with McVety’s crusade to give the state the power to force ISPs to block porn sites, probably because there are teams of police officers already tackling this job and, done properly, the websites kind of die on their own. The cops don’t need any help from censorship fetishists, and the internet doesn’t need to set off on this slippery slope. Allowing the cops to do their job unimpeded by blithering porn-obsessed religious crackpots earns Harpie another *F*
6. FUNDING ARTS DEEMED MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE BY CHARLES MCVETY – I’m sensing a definite pattern here in terms of what occupies Charles McVety’s mind most of the time, and I get the sense that looking inside it would be something like staring into an abyss of madness and depravity so deep and dark that — never mind, I’m going off on a tangent. This is about McVety’s censorship wet dream, Bill C-10, which would have prevented tax breaks for indie movies like McVety’s favourite, “Young People Effing” (which isn’t even about effing). Since there’s already a system in place that keeps porn from being funded, McVety must be envisioning a Ministry of Virtue & Vice (with himself in charge) that would spread the pornography net a little wider, maybe to include suspects like SpongeBob and Tinky Winky. Harper actually supported Bill C-10 but apparently with insufficient orgasmic zeal for Chuck, who gave him a milquetoast *C* for his efforts.
7. ISRAEL – Israel? Huh??
8. FREE SPEECH, HRCs & FREEDOM OF RELIGION – F, F and F!!! Harper apparently doesn’t buy into the idea that “religious freedom” includes the right to slag minorities, so all the bigots can relax, the persecution party is still rockin’! But Harper’s marks suffer the consequences.
There’s more of course, bringing Harper’s overall average mark to a “C-minus” — “not very good” in McVety’s words.
One shudders to think what kind of world it would take to qualify for straight “A’s”.