We wish you a tacky Christmas

It’s that time of year when the Christmas Spirit causes some peoples’ creative juices to flow like tree sap, they grab every piece of junk they can find in the attic, light it up and… stand back!  I went through Google images searching for examples of Christmas creativity, and here is some of what I found:

grossPsych-out!  This place grabbed my attention because it reminded me of an old poster I got in Yorkville in the late 60s… I think it was called “Acidland”.

Here’s a more sedate but no less hideous display:

holy-fuck1Can you imagine coming home late and half in the bag after the office party and having to navigate past all those snowmen and Santas and crap?  Why is it that during the festive season, when people are most in need of a clear path to the front door, they put up these obstacle courses in their yards?

And speaking of navigation, what the hell happened here?treed-jesus Did his parachute get tangled in the branches on descent?

Here’s a nice Nativity Scene for the gang at SDA, who spun a collective bearing today because nativity scene decorations were only available at 99% of Costco locations, incontrovertible evidence of The War on Christmas:

nativityWith life-size figures, no less!   And hopefully nailed down, because I’d hate to think what kind of mischief  some  maliciously creative secular-progressive Christmas-hating miscreants might get up to overnight.

Check out this automotive Yuletide masterpiece:uglyxmaslightswinner_2007_0The neighbours must be thrilled.

And… a project that didn’t go according to plan?  Rejected?  or vandalized by Christmas-hating secular-progressive miscreants?


And finally:


Umm, err uh, yeah okay.

That’s all there is, there is no more!  Merry Christmas and Tacky Holidays!

29 Responses to “We wish you a tacky Christmas”

  1. 1 Toe Sunday, December 14, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    I’m not dragging a poor tree in this year. So neighbour was dying to go thru my Xmas decoration box. An ancient set of lights drove him completely bananas happy. The lights twinkle to the xmas music, a selection of over 40 tunes. He creamed his jeans when the lights psyched-out for Jingle Bell Rock.

    He’s called twice now to COME SEE IT! I’m gonna ask him to make me an offer, ha!

  2. 2 southernquebec Monday, December 15, 2008 at 1:19 am

    Let’s face it, if you live in a McMansion, you really need to go over the top for the holidays. How will the neighbours know you are a success? 🙂

  3. 3 CC Monday, December 15, 2008 at 6:30 am

    Someone shoved a tree up Jesus’ ass? Man, that’s rude.

  4. 4 sedum Monday, December 15, 2008 at 7:33 am

    They told me ‘You hate Christmas”.

    I told them “No, I hate you”.

  5. 5 Mike Monday, December 15, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Gawd those SDA idiots piss me off. None of them has ever read the Bible or the Christmas story.

    “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field keeping watch over their flock by night” Luke 2:8

    (a passage which doesn’t appear in the two earlier Gospels I might add)

    Even today in modern Palestine there are shepherds who herd their sheep as they did circa 2000 years ago. And the do not do it at night because in December it is too cold to do so. They only do this in the spring or the fall.

    So, according to the Bible itself, Jesus (if he existed at all) was probably born in April or September, not December.

    So the Nativity Scene is about 4 months off. Christians have been celebrating Saturnalia or the birth of Mithras since 325 CE.

    So really, the gits at SDA should STFU and learn something before blabbing idiocy.

    You are not celebrating the birth of your saviour, you are celebrating a pagan festival and always have.

  6. 6 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:23 am

    Toe – I love the lights. Just not too many lights. And no santas, elves, nativity scenes or loud overt religiosity. Everything in moderation.

  7. 7 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:30 am

    SQ – I think if someone lives in one of those Big Box Houses, they’ve already exceeded the TACK limit. Xmas Lights are kind of an unnecessary embellishment… they kind of scream “Think I was disgustingly tacky the rest of the year? Watch this!”

  8. 8 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:31 am

    CC – Dammit, I wish I’d thought of that!! 😆

  9. 9 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:36 am

    sedum – I also have been accused of hating Christmas, but my response is usually something like “Yep, you nailed it, Einstein. Got any other startling observations to make? No? Good, that means you’ll shut the fuck up.”

  10. 10 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:48 am

    Mike – I read somewhere recently that the birth of Christ actually occurred in June, although April or September seems more likely. The December 25th date was grabbed by the Catholic Church to usurp the pagan festival.

    I say it’s time for pagans to rise up and reclaim Dec.25th, wrongly stolen by that Grinch, the Pope. 🙂

  11. 11 mouthyorange Monday, December 15, 2008 at 10:52 am

    In Ontario, the more electricity everybody uses in a period of time, the more the price goes up. There’s some arrangement like that. Anyway, I have a friend whose criticism about the annual flood of Xmas lights on people’s houses is that altogether they use up a lot of electricity which drives up its price, which is hardest on the people who can least afford it. So much for Christmas charity and goodwill toward your neighbour and so on!

  12. 12 Frank Frink Monday, December 15, 2008 at 11:21 am

    Don’t you just hate it when the neighbour has just a little too much eggnog and does this at two frickin’ thirty in the morning? Not to mention ,a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tq4VMwN2aJw”>the encore.

  13. 13 Frank Frink Monday, December 15, 2008 at 11:21 am


    Don’t you just hate it when the neighbour has just a little too much eggnog and does this at two frickin’ thirty in the morning? Not to mention the encore.

  14. 14 Frank Frink Monday, December 15, 2008 at 11:23 am

    Crap.. I can’t html today

    Don’t you just hate it when the neighbour has just a little too much eggnog and does this at two frickin’ thirty in the morning? Not to mention the encore.

  15. 15 J. A. Baker Monday, December 15, 2008 at 11:24 am

    As my college world history professor was fond of saying, “Hark the herald angels roar, ‘Christ was born in B.C. 4!'”

  16. 16 Frank Frink Monday, December 15, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Further to JC on a tree…

    When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

    Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit,
    which stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

    Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

    Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

    Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

    And so began the tradition of the little Angel on top of the Christmas tree.

  17. 17 proudNOT2bprogressive Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Hi JJ. I hope you are feeling better. I hope all the recent polls showing PM Harper would get a majority win have not caused a relapse.

    I know you don’t want me around anymore, so I will abide by your wish. However it is disappointing, as few things are more entertaining than mocking you out-of-touch-with-reality regressives.

    I have to give you credit though; most progressive blogs INSTANTLY ban anyone who doesn’t march in lockstep with far leftists. Conservative blogs tend to batter lefties with things called facts and logic instead of an instant banning. You let me post here for a week or two banning me.

    P.S. be nice to KKKate at SDA (oops I slipped into my progressive mode for a second). Some day she might do you a favor and link to you; thus giving you a SDAlanche.
    Also, you mentioned once that I sat on your blog for hours…well, I left the window open and do other things, then check back later. Nothing “creepy” about me – except I am one of those “evil” conservatives.

    Hope you enjoy the CPC majority which is a coming – if the coalition of fascists try to overthrow the duly elected govt in January. The public does NOT want a separatist party controlling this coalition.

    Merry Christmas! Hope that didn’t offend you.

  18. 18 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Proud2b – Uh, reality check dude, I let you post here since the end of September — that’s well over 2 months, not “a week or 2”.

    You know, you are more than welcome to post here as long as you don’t behave like a JERK. I like it when conservatives comment, it changes things up and I like to hear their views — when they’re not being JERKS. I know that doesn’t conform to your stereotype of jackbooted censoring liberals, but guess what, I’m not a liberal. If you haven’t figured that out by now, you haven’t been paying attention.

    (BTW, don’t refer to Kate McMillan as “KKKate”, it’s lame.)

    Merry Christmas & happy new year to you too! (Nothing offends me, and even if it did, last time I checked there was no right to not be offended. Even by garish, hideous Christmas lights.)

  19. 19 proudNOT2bprogressive Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    I never kept track, but in retrospect, I’m sure it was more than a week or two–and I will take your word that it was a couple of months.

    I know you’re not a liberal; I’ve seen you state that. You’ve never said, but I suspect you are an NDPer.

    Thanks for reciprocating the Merry Christmas and Happy New Year salutation, and I hope you are as sincere as I was–and I WAS sincere.

    And I’m not a dude! I’m the same gender as yourself.

  20. 21 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    P2not – I call everyone dude. And I’m not an NDPer either! Although I was at one point in my life.

  21. 22 Anthony Monday, December 15, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    There’s a guy near where we live who for the past 5 years has decorated his house, inside AND out, every yeara without fail.

    He then charges admission to kids and their parents (of course, else that would be wrong) to see this wonderous display of light!

    Last year he got that much press coverage (as the proceeds of his glarry grotto go to a local charity for kids) that the local radio station foots his electricity bill for the whole of December, allowing him to donate more money!

    In admiration for such feats and daring to plug 6 gangways into each other, I endeavor to decorate my desk at work each year as gordy as my boss will tollerate! I LOVE it!

  22. 23 JJ Monday, December 15, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Anthony – LOL, got a picture of your desk?

  23. 24 Anthony Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 1:06 am

    Copy and paste – I’m useless without WYSIWYG

  24. 25 900ft jesus Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 6:13 am

    I have split feelings concerning Christmas – fine and all respect to Christians who celebrate it as a religious festival, like any other religious group celebrating a religious day; nice family get-togethers; time off from work…

    If it really focused on goodwill to all, it would generate more tolerance for Christians, but when it’s forced on people of other faiths – and angrily, at times, that’s not so good.

    The thing I most dislike about Christmas is that it is so damn hard on many, many people who can’t afford what it has become – a big marketing ploy. It gets worse every year as well – more poorer people, and the whole Christmas thing is very difficult for them to get through. It’s so in their face that not only can’t they afford all these must-have gifts presented over and over on the telly, it emphasises how difficult it is to simply get by.

    Really bad time for many kids. I absolutely hate malls at that time of year for those reasons. It’s become something of a festival for the elite. Not quite, but getting there.

    Then there’s that whole going back to school crap where the poorer kids really wish they’d have a two month flu so they don’t have to compare their meager gifts to those of other kids – their generic, cheaper knock-off models, showing up in the same old second hand clothing…

    So people who come up to me and tell me I just don’t have the Christmas spirit can go fuck themselves, because what passes for Christmas spirit in genral now is not something I would embrace anyway.

    And where can I find these numerous polls that show the CONs look like they would win a majority right now? In Santa’s beard? Doen’t a government actually, you know, have to sit in the House to call an election anyway? really, what are the odds that Harper will hold enough sessions in Parliament for that, considering he’s on his own caucus’ hit list?

    Jesus, these people! Santa Claus, invisible winged creatures that follow you everywhere and randomly guard you, an equally invisible entity that is sexless but somehow male, and CPC in majority territory…

    I have some terrific, invisible flying dogs who can predict the winning lotto numbers for sale…

    Special Christmas prices.

  25. 26 JJ Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 8:05 am

    Anthony – Thanks for the pic. That’s not too gordy at all: no santas, no lit-up nativity scenes, it’s quite tasteful, I guess 😛 Did your kids make the “Merry Christmas” poster? That’s just cute.

  26. 27 JJ Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 8:29 am

    900 – The crass commercialism has indeed gotten out of hand, and even for the average working person it can be pretty stressful. I think it’s why so many people get so pissed off at Christmas — knowing that those Visa bills that they can’t afford to pay are coming in January. I tend to agree with Bene D that the Mennonite way of celebrating (not buying anything at all but just observing the occasion) is best.

    I don’t care if people celebrate it religiously or whatever, its up to them. I always put up lights and usually have a tree, just because I like them. And I say “Merry Christmas” not happy freaking holidays. I find it a little rich for some to suggest that there’s some kind of “war” on this huge marketing extravaganza called “Christmas” — yeah, sure! It’s everywhere you look, even at my house and I don’t even like Christmas.

    For me personally it’s a depressing time, I guess because everything bad that’s ever happened to me has happened around Christmas. Two of my immediate family members died, I split up with my ex, shit I even got hit by a friggin’ car one year crossing the street while Christmas shopping. On the whole, I’d rather be on a beach in Acapulco 😛 8)

  27. 28 900ft jesus Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 10:34 am

    sorry to hear that, jj.

    ok, I can’t resist – where the hell was your little invisible guardian angel? On holidays?

    Yeah, I put up a tree as well, decorate – open house for two weeks for anyone looking for a place to sing, eat, get away from things, be around others. That’s my favourite part.

  28. 29 JJ Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 10:56 am

    Oh, go ahead and laugh, everyone else does. Hit by a car while Christmas shopping… it’s just so… 😆 Even worse, the car was a Honda Civic. Although if it had been the kind of car I like, I’d probably be dead.

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