From the front lines of the War On Christmas

Looks like Boss Creations is bringing out the Big Guns…

…with a Christmas tree that has a trunk shaped like a cross!

I just hope that sucker’s strong enough to withstand the weight of a delirious fundie climbing up on it!   Fun for the whole family, I can just picture Christmas Day:  “My turn!”  “No, it’s MY turn!”  “No, I’m next!”  “Wahh, Johnny’s persecuting me, he won’t let me climb up on the cross!”

(h/t dkos)

45 Responses to “From the front lines of the War On Christmas”


  1. 1 The Anti-Social Socialist Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    What fucking morons.

    The Christmas tree itself is a pagan symbol.

  2. 2 Torontonian Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    I guess once the pine needles are gone, you get rid of the
    rest of the tree and save the cross for Good Friday!

  3. 3 deBeauxOs Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Do they use real nails or Xmas tree hooks to attach the zealots to the cross?

  4. 4 Reality Bites Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Although it runs counter to the whole idea of Christianity, I strongly suspect most fundies would greatly prefer nailing other people to a cross than being on one themselves.

  5. 5 Shade Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    I hate to break it to you Anti-Social but when has Christianity ever cared for actual history?

    If they did they might have to realise how much of their religion is taken from everyone else and we can’t have that.

  6. 6 rww Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    I wonder if they have a special one that lights up like it’s burning

  7. 7 MariaS Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    JJ, JJ, JJ …. why, why do you hate Christmas. It’s a fun season to remember a good guy, Jesus Christ. He was good and thanks to him a great following of do-gooders ensued. I thought you lefties wanted to bring about joy to the down-trodden of this planet. The Christian Church is the main body out that in the wilderness of the most remote villages of Africa and Asia and anywhere else where they are permitted ingress, bringing whatever little relief they can to the suffering. The priests and nuns work in those remote places often putting their own lives at great risks.
    Please don’t hate the memory of Jesus Christ. You might ridicule the dying on the cross and the rising again on the 3rd day, and the miracles and what have you. But, please acknowledge the fact that there was a man named Jesus (you don’t have to believe that he was the son of God) and that he preached forgiveness and good morals which are manifested today in the works that the Catholic Church does all over this planet.

    dodocanspell – humbly awaits ridicule from you and your magpies.

  8. 8 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Maria – Don’t shoot the messenger — I am just a War Correspondent on the front lines of the War On Christmas.

  9. 9 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    rww – Yeah, that would be the Teabagger Version. The angel on top has a jokerized face.

  10. 10 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Shade – What?? You mean they don’t OWN Christmas? (Sort of like how they don’t own MARRIAGE?)

  11. 11 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    RB

    Although it runs counter to the whole idea of Christianity, I strongly suspect most fundies would greatly prefer nailing other people to a cross than being on one themselves.

    I’m sure they thoroughly enjoy being nailed to a cross but only in a metaphorical sense. They feel sufficiently persecuted without any nails. I’m also pretty sure they’d enjoy every whack of the hammer to nail someone else up.

  12. 12 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    deBeauxOs – I don’t imagine more than a few of them would want to really hang themselves up on the cross, with nails, but leaning up against it with their arms outstretched would probably still deliver a pretty good persecution buzz.

  13. 13 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Torontonian — It just occured to me — this tree is fake, there are no needles. No need to wait til Easter! (Not that’s they be able to hold themselves back that long anyway.)

  14. 14 JJ Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Antisocial – Pagans need to rise up and take back Yule. That’s what I think.

  15. 15 Dr. Prole Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    I thought Christmas was about Jesus’ birth, not his crucifixion…there’s a whole separate holiday for that, no? These fundies are getting dumber by the generation. What a surprise.

  16. 16 fern hill Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    OT. Hey, Dodo, what do you think of your swooniest GF, Sawah Palinotology, selling out her so-called principles for a $200K speaking engagement to raise funds for socialized medicine in Canada?

  17. 17 Cornelius T.Zen Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    Good morrow, all!
    In keeping with the spirit of the season, I like the part where, not only is Mary knocked up, she’s got PMS. After all, she rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.
    I think she wanted Him to be a doctor – CTZen

  18. 18 The Anti-Social Socialist Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    “He was good and thanks to him a great following of do-gooders ensued.”

    Yea. Cause butchering every man, woman and child in Jerusalem by the order of the Church, there’s a fucking act of kindness.

    “The Christian Church is the main body out that in the wilderness of the most remote villages of Africa and Asia and anywhere else where they are permitted ingress, bringing whatever little relief they can to the suffering.”

    What, you mean missionaries? You mean how they will only help if the people convert to their religion, that old ‘prayer for food’ chestnut?

    “and the miracles and what have you.”

    What miracles? Prove that they happened.

    “and that he preached forgiveness and good morals…”

    Matthew 10:34-37
    “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

    “…manifested today in the works that the Catholic Church does all over this planet.”

    Residential Schools. There are thousands of other atrocities caused by your Church, but that one is suitably vile to quench any goodness you think you have.

    Fuck you and your God – The end of December is the Pagan holiday, celebrating the solstice, as it had been for a hundred thousand years before your god was ever dreamed up.

    Your god was nailed to a cross. My god wields a hammer. Do the math.

  19. 19 smelter rat Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    MariaS: Go fuck yourself*.

    * my new mantra, apparently.

  20. 20 Patrick Ross Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    Your god was nailed to a cross. My god wields a hammer.

    Right. And your god is responsible for the murders of millions of people worldwide — in the Ukraine, China, North Korea, Cambodia, Cuba…

    I’m guessing Holodomor must be a real awkward time of the year for you.

  21. 21 Cornelius T.Zen Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Good morrow, all!
    Anti-Social Socialist – Your outrage is understandable. More atrocities have been done “in the Name of God” or “God wills it” or some such rationalization, than can be numbered. The first thing that Moses did when he came down from Sinai was put to death a number of his people. Thou shalt not kill, right?
    The Gospels were probably written after Constantine made Christianity the Official Religion (TM) of the Roman Empire (C). That way, you had to believe them, they were officially the Word Of God.(TM)
    Yeah, you’re right that, historically, Christians never really learned to play well with others. Always running off on Crusades, and burning heretics at the stake, and driving Jews out of their homes, it’s not a pretty picture, is it?
    Maybe it’s because, deep down, they’re afraid. They’re afraid that, if they can’t convert you, they gotta kill you, because, otherwise, the Big Guy upstairs just might go all Sodom and Gommorah on their sorry asses, you know what I’m sayin’?
    Today’s Christians fear their God, and that means they don’t trust their God, and how can you love and trust Somebody you’re always afraid of? It just doesn’t track, does it?
    You see, it’s up to the rest of us to set a better example. Don’t hate them back. Understand that they’re afraid. They’ve got some growing up to do. If you can’t be their friend, at least don’t be their enemy. Like Buddha, we must decline their gifts of abuse and condemnation.
    Jesus had the right idea. Now, it’s up to Christians to get the message. Maybe that’s why it’s taken two thousand years, and they still haven’t got it right. No wonder Jesus wept.
    But, hey, what do I know? – CTZen

  22. 22 The Anti-Social Socialist Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    “Right. And your god is responsible for the murders of millions of people worldwide — in the Ukraine, China, North Korea, Cambodia, Cuba…”

    Really? When did Cuda adopt Thor?

    I should have had that quote in parentheses, but too late now – I’m an atheist, I have no god nor gods.

    However, I am quite familiar with pagans and their concepts, and those who follow the old Norse are quite aware that their Gods are borderline insane and warlike.

    But at least they don’t try to gloss it over and forget that they were.

  23. 23 Patrick Ross Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    When did Cuda adopt Thor?

    Oh, OK. I get it — you’re a moron.

    Carry on, then.

  24. 24 Janus Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 10:23 pm

    “Antisocial – Pagans need to rise up and take back Yule. That’s what I think.”

    Already done, JJ!

    “Your god was nailed to a cross. My god wields a hammer.”

    Asatru!

    “Right. And your god is responsible for the murders of millions of people worldwide…”

    Wrong hammer. Numbnuts.

    “* my new mantra, apparently.”

    LOL! And I’m about to become your chorus and backup singer, Rat! 😆

  25. 25 Shade Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 12:14 am

    “Oh, OK. I get it — you’re a moron.”

    That’s funny coming from someone who probably actually thinks Christmas is the actual day of Jesus’s birth (arguments about whether he existed or not ignored of course). It is in fact unlikely based on the stories of his birth that he was born in this time of year.

    The use of this date is to make it easier to coax pagans celebrating the solstice into the new religion.

    Not to mention you got communisium confused with Thor. I’d hardly say you’re in a position to call people morons.

  26. 26 Patrick Ross Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 12:47 am

    That’s funny coming from someone who probably actually thinks Christmas is the actual day of Jesus’s birth (arguments about whether he existed or not ignored of course). It is in fact unlikely based on the stories of his birth that he was born in this time of year.

    Congratulations. I’m guessing you must have seen the Da Vinci Code. Unfortunately, you evidently missed the part about Emperor Constantine and some of the decisions that he — whether a committed Christian or not — mediated that combined Pagans into Christian traditions (the date on which Christmas is celebrated) being one of them) in order to pacify religious tensions in Rome.

    The point being, of course, that Constantine’s formative influence over Christianity was that of a conciliator.

    (I know a good number of people would be surprised to find that the Prophet Mohammad also took a conciliatory approach to other religions, adadpting many of their traditions within Islam, and recognizing their prophets as prophets of Allah.)

    It’s a shame people like yourself can’t find that noble piece of Constantine in yourself. Your hostility to religion and religious believers has, frankly, become rather passe.

  27. 27 Patrick Ross Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 12:48 am

    Heh. That should read “mediated pagan traditions into Christian traditions”. Aside from that, the rest stands.

  28. 28 The Anti-Social Socialist Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 1:01 am

    “Your hostility to religion and religious believers has, frankly, become rather passe.”

    Tell you what, you get all the religions out there to stop harassing, subjugating and murder of women, to stop their harassment, oppression and murder of gays, and their harassment, hatred and murder or everyone else, and I’ll give your Blood God the benefit of the doubt.

    Until that fuckscoff and his cult learn to accept everyone else as they are, you can shove your bible up your ass.

  29. 29 Shade Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 1:04 am

    “Congratulations. I’m guessing you must have seen the Da Vinci Code.”

    While I have seen that movie, I read history thank you very much and I know better then to listen to a work of ficiton when making decisions and oppinions on subjects unlike your self.

    “It’s a shame people like yourself can’t find that noble piece of Constantine in yourself. Your hostility to religion and religious believers has, frankly, become rather passe.”

    Actually you were the one being hostile calling people morons, I was simply stating you are in no position to make such accusations. In my experience Christianity is the one hostile, to anyone who wont convert.

    We say Happy Holidays who gets upset? The Christians, because we don’t say Christmas specifically. When there is many tradtions this time of year, yet Chrtistians whine because THEIR adapted tradition is not the centre of attention. You have your tax free status, your churches and your freedom to believe what you want. You do not however have the right to enforce Christian idealogies on those who are not or stick your fingers in your ears screaming loudly when people recognize others beliefs that are not your own or even lack of religious faith.

    In fact I was rather polite you’ll find. But of course typical of the religious types you jump straight to claiming persecution.

  30. 30 Patrick Ross Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 2:33 am

    While I have seen that movie, I read history thank you very much and I know better then to listen to a work of ficiton when making decisions and oppinions on subjects unlike your self.

    I’m sure you think you sound intelligent when you say something like that, until people realize that you can’t spell the word “yourself” properly.

    And if I were only basing my knowledge of this on the Da Vinci Code, I’d wonder where the bit about Islam came from (no mention of it in the film).

    Actually you were the one being hostile calling people morons, I was simply stating you are in no position to make such accusations. In my experience Christianity is the one hostile, to anyone who wont convert.

    Again, spelling and grammar issues kind of take all the punch out of your argument.

    Anyone who says things only to facetiously disavow them may think themselves an effective debater, but the rest of us recognize such people for precisely what they are: morons.

    For example, an avowed atheist and self-identified socialist trying to pretend that anyone is supposed to suspect he worships Thor. Just sayin’.

    We say Happy Holidays who gets upset? The Christians, because we don’t say Christmas specifically.

    I don’t care why you say “Happy Holidays”. Knock yourself out.

    Personally, I say “Merry Christmas”. Anyone who doesn’t like that can go fuck themselves. Here’s an idea: why don’t you stick to your preferred method of marking the season, let other people stick to theirs, and wait until someone does otherwise to try to ascribe positions to them that they don’t hold.

    Otherwise, you just look foolish. But I suspect you’re used to that by now.

    Tell you what, you get all the religions out there to stop harassing, subjugating and murder of women, to stop their harassment, oppression and murder of gays, and their harassment, hatred and murder or everyone else, and I’ll give your Blood God the benefit of the doubt.

    Until that fuckscoff and his cult learn to accept everyone else as they are, you can shove your bible up your ass.

    Heh.

    I’m sure you think that’s an effective bit of anti-religious boilerplate, but it’s really just… what’s that word again? Oh, yeah. Passe. Boring.

    Just so you know.

    And I’ll tell you what: if you can convince the communist regime in Cuba to stop it’s oppression of its own people — or maybe make a good accounting for the 10 million people who died during Holodomor, maybe you’ll be given the benefit of the doubt.

    Until then, you can shove your hammer up your ass, and follow it with your sickle.

    Moron.

  31. 31 Shade Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 3:40 am

    By the way Ross. Using your and self instead of yourself technically was not a spelling error but a grammatical one. If you want to correct people make sure you know what the mistake was.

    I’m not trying to sound intelligent or even well educated, just communicating effectively and of course coherently. Also quite frankly with more etiquette then you yourself have displayed. (Oh look, I didn’t repeat my mistake.)

    “Again, spelling and grammar issues kind of take all the punch out of your argument.”

    For your benefit I ran that line through a spelling and grammar check only two grammatical errors were present and only one of those wasn’t being extremely picky. But here’s the corrected version for you.

    “Actually you were the one being hostile calling people morons; I was simply stating you are in no position to make such accusations. In my experience Christianity is the one hostile, to anyone who won’t convert.”

    Make sure you quote sentences where I make significant errors otherwise you’re just nitpicking. My apologies that I only read through what I write a couple times before posting, I do confess I am being somewhat lazy with the checking and I am only human and mistakes do occur. However I find this perfectly adequate for an internet discussion, if however I was writing an essay you may have had a point. I will endeavor to try a little harder if it upsets you that greatly.

    “why don’t you stick to your preferred method of marking the season, let other people stick to theirs,”

    You know what? I agree. This sadly is not what occurs; surely you’ve noticed Christians getting uppity when stores say “Holiday Sale”. Or god forbid mentions another one of the holidays of the season which is not Christian. They even make a list and mark them as bad stores. Hardly seems very accepting of them and it does make it look like they wish to be the centre of attention much like a spoiled child who wants their own way.

    Regardless I hope you have a pleasant Christmas since that is what you celebrate and I hope you’re thoughtful enough to wish people a merry/happy whatever they celebrate. I find it’s just more polite to wish someone enjoy the event they celebrate.

  32. 32 smelter rat Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 6:59 am

    @patrickross: Go fuck yourself ( or your self, if you prefer)

  33. 33 balbulican Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 7:02 am

    I couldn’t help noticing that Mariah’s website features a cross emblazoned with the stars and stripes, stamped with the US motto.

    So…commercializing Christmas is bad, but politicizing it is okay?

  34. 34 psa Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Nice of them to supply free kindling with that there tree.

  35. 35 The Arbourist Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 8:28 am

    MariaS said: “works that the Catholic Church does all over this planet”

    Wow…talk about a statement that is ripe for the picking:

    If you have not seen the intelligence squared debate on the question “is the catholic church a force for good in the world” watch it now. Hitchens and Fry utterly demolish the church apologists.

    But the “good” the catholic church has done is questionable at best, considering that the most holy nozzle of douche, Pope Benedict sincerely believes that condom use cannot curtail the AIDS epidemic, and that in reality condoms do more harm than good.

    The catholic church is an outmoded, outdated, pernicious construct that has no place in the rational world.

  36. 36 The Arbourist Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 8:48 am

    Patrick Ross:just so you know.

    You have what appears to be a egregious lack of knowledge about history. Noted.

    And I’ll tell you what: if you can convince the communist regime in Cuba to stop it’s oppression of its own people

    Perhaps you should start with telling the US to stop the crushing embargo Cuba has suffered under for decades because its people have chosen the ‘wrong’ system of government. Hmm… removal of sanctions=less oppression. Novel concept.

  37. 37 Patrick Ross Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 9:44 am

    I’m not trying to sound intelligent or even well educated, just communicating effectively and of course coherently. Also quite frankly with more etiquette then you yourself have displayed. (Oh look, I didn’t repeat my mistake.)

    So, in your mind humiliating yourself is “effective” and “coherent”.

    Duly noted.

    You know what? I agree. This sadly is not what occurs; surely you’ve noticed Christians getting uppity when stores say ‘Holiday Sale’. Or god forbid mentions another one of the holidays of the season which is not Christian. They even make a list and mark them as bad stores. Hardly seems very accepting of them and it does make it look like they wish to be the centre of attention much like a spoiled child who wants their own way.

    And it’s their right to choose to frequent such stores or to not frequent such stores.

    Once again, to each their own. And if you don’t like it, I’m sure you know what you can do with yourself.

    Perhaps you should start with telling the US to stop the crushing embargo Cuba has suffered under for decades because its people have chosen the ‘wrong’ system of government. Hmm… removal of sanctions=less oppression. Novel concept.

    Using the US embargo to justify Fidel Castro’s oppression of his own people is a weak excuse. And, frankly (once again), passe.

  38. 38 hemmingforddogblog Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I think the war on Christmas is working. I looked at that tree and went, “Holy Christ!”

  39. 39 Bleatmop Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 11:12 am

    I remember a conversation on the Blogging Tories forum where the fundies were shut up and the term Holiday Season was deemed acceptable because there actually is many different celebrations going on at the same time. Of course, that was very early in their government days, and the So-Cons were basically being told to stuff it for the good of the party. Now they seem to be pandering to the So-Cons though.

    As an aside, all this talk about a conciliatory approach has got me thinking. I think I will adapt a part of the christian faith and take a piece of food, declare it to be a the body of my god, and then say I am more holy or something after I eat my god. What the heck, details aren’t important so long as it looks and feels the same. For the record, this is what I will be eating:

    052

  40. 40 hemmingforddogblog Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    You’re a Pastafarian! 🙂

  41. 41 Dr. Prole Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Is Patrick Ross like Bloody Mary, where you look in a mirror and say his name three times and then his mullet appears in your comment thread?

  42. 42 JJ Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    What the hell! The last time I looked in here there were 14 comments. (It’s another war on Christmas miracle, I guess.)

  43. 43 Frank Frink Monday, December 14, 2009 at 2:58 am

    Yes, every time Patsy posts a comment a mullet gets its wings… or some such.

  44. 45 Bleatmop Monday, December 14, 2009 at 11:47 am

    hemmingforddogblog: Why yes I am, on alternate weeks. The other weeks I eat ham and pineapple pizzas and look for the invisible pink unicorn.


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