Double-barreled irony

The future isn’t looking too bright for the controversial Long Gun Registry, currently whiling away its final weeks on Bad Legislation Death Row, smoking rollies and using the ashes to scratch “LOVE/HATE” tattoos into its knuckles as it waits for a CPC government Termination Technician to put it to sleep:

The long gun registry is slated to be removed from legislation shortly, thus ending a contentious and hugely expensive program that has divided rural and urban voters since its inception in 1991. The registry currently consumes more than $66 million in tax each year.

So goes the spin, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

I suspect that right this very moment, in a boardroom in the secret Harpenbunker far below the manicured lawns of Parliament Hill, a team of sweaty CPC geeks is brainstorming furiously about how to make this issue go away without anyone noticing.  Maybe start a war or something… invade Buffalo? North Tonawanda?  (Home of Irv Weinstein’s “Eyewitness News”, as children of the 60s who grew up in Toronto will fondly recall… Eyewitness News! The Goriest News!!)  But I’m off on another tangent.  Beam me down, Scotty.

Call me cynical, but the idea that the Conservatives would ditch legislation that works as well for them as the Long Gun Registry is hard to imagine, even for someone whose imagination occasionally runs to things like breathing mountains and fur on the fridge.  The Registry multi-tasks like nothing else, simultaneously acting as red meat for the base, fundraising tool, wedge issue and Orwellian stomper of civil liberties… the Veg-a-matic of Firearms legislation.  It slices! It dices! It gives police the power of warrantless search & seizure!   The Harpster has proven by his own drunken-sailor spending that he doesn’t really care about the money it sucks up, so other than the fact that it’s a Liberal Party initiative, what’s not for him to like about it?  Deep down, it must really chap his ass to have to make good on his promise to scrap it.

But the irony doesn’t stop there.

On the other side of the political aisle, many complain bitterly (and rightly so) about CPCgovInc’s “Tough on Crime” bills, particularly the sleazy warrantless “internet spying” programs they’ve got in the hopper.  But wait (there’s more): the same people who resent the state keeping a rheumy eye on their internet activities not only don’t mind but are quite enthusiastic about it kicking my door in and seizing my private property for no good reason.  Huh?  How does that work??

BOOM! BOOM!  The Long Gun Registry, bringing the full-metal irony with both barrels.

5 Responses to “Double-barreled irony”


  1. 1 Willy Friday, October 14, 2011 at 1:25 am

    Or it is like that warrantless search & seizure thing they do around these parts, when they take away my 2002 Liberty just because I didn’t register it and place a sticker on the license plate. Or Hazel finds out I chopped down that dying pine tree on my front lawn without a tree cutting permit. Hell they even make me give my name at the Shoppers counter when I get my month’s supply of the magic blue pills that similar to North Tonawanda keep the home fires a burning 🙂

  2. 2 JJ Friday, October 14, 2011 at 6:00 am

    😯 You watched Eyewitness News too! 😆
    Even in the middle of a party, we’d turn it on just to count the number of fires that were burning in Cheektawaga that night 😛

  3. 3 bleatmop Friday, October 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Well put JJ. The juxtaposition of the LGR laws and the internet spying laws serve to lighten the situation on not only the Harper Government but also everyone else that opposes one of those laws but not the other.

  4. 4 JJ Friday, October 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Or, “Ya can’t have it both ways!” 😆

    Seriously. I don’t get how people can put on their Outrage Hats over internet spying and yet be perfectly fine with a law that lets cops search & seize private property without a warrant, no less.
    I can only guess that its because a lot of LGR supporters don’t consider guns legitimate property, and think anyone who owns a gun gives up their right to privacy.
    “But its a killing machine!!” So’s a chainsaw. So what?

  5. 5 JJ Sunday, October 16, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Also, and.
    I should address the substance of your comment — that all these other things require some kind of registry or permit, so why not long guns.

    For one thing, because long guns are already registered when they’re bought, with the buyer’s gun license (PAL). The LGR is redundant, so why have it? Just because we have a lot of other goofy laws is no excuse to have more.

    Also, things like vehicles, tree cutting & pharmacare are the domain of province or city, not federal. I get the impression that people don’t resent local governments bugging them as much as they do the federal government, for whatever reason. In rural areas, the LGR has become symbolic of this resentment: the Long Arm Of Ottawa reaching across 2500 miles and prying into something they know nothing about. This feeling has just escalated over the last 10 years since the LGR was found to be (a) horrifically over budget and (b) Not performing as advertised.

    Keep those home fries burning! 😛


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