Vic Toews wants a Probe

And I’ve got just the cattle prod for the job.

No seriously… after beclowning himself to the point where he’s become an Internet Meme, (no, really) he’s calling for A Probe:

Public Safety Minister Vic Toews is calling for an investigation into the source of a Twitter account that is being used to release details of his divorce.

The Twitter account was created earlier this week after the Conservatives introduced legislation requiring Internet service providers to monitor their clients’ online activity.

Maybe he should just take a quick jaunt down to the Great State of Virginia, dress up as a woman and tell a doctor he needs an abortion — then he’ll get all the probing he wants or needs, or doesn’t want or need, courtesy of the Small Government GOP-controlled Legislature.

Hardy har har.  Well, you knew that was coming, but it wouldn’t have felt right to let it slide.

Or this:

While we’re on the topic, one other point of interest if you please.  This having been an extremely Toewsy week, I was reminded of a plan that was in the works some time ago to santorumize the name “Toews”, as suggested by no less than Dan Savage:

Finally: Toews is pronounced “taves,” and it seems to me that it should be a word for something nasty. Get on it, Canada.

But as an American Dan is probably unfamiliar with the power of Hockey over the Canadian psyche and why it meant that his truly great idea was nonetheless doomed from the start.  Timing: it’s all about timing.  The idea to santorumize the name Toews was floated just after the 2010 Olympics, when a hockey player inconveniently named Toews had scored a crucial goal leading to Team Canada’s Gold Medal win.  Canucks felt weird about besmirching his name, so a great idea was left to wither on the vine.

The sacrifices we make for Hockey.  If not for that pivotal goal, by now “toews” would be known far and wide as a kind of lemon-scented moist towelette used to wipe off santorum.  (Always keep a box of Toews on the bedside table!)

29 Responses to “Vic Toews wants a Probe”


  1. 1 cityprole Friday, February 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Well there is always Vic’s (all this Twittering is giving me vapors) Rub ..between rub and probe, it’s hard to keep one’s mind out of the gutter, but then, that is what these Con-tortions are for, yes?

  2. 2 Phatbiker Friday, February 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Toews: A name for a douche who kicks out his wife for a mistress (the family babysitter no less) half his age, then cuts off her alimony payments. An American politician’s career would finished over something like this but up here only silence from the media. I hope his X-wife’s lawyer gives his bank account a deep probe.

  3. 3 stageleft Friday, February 17, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    There is a possibility that someone will get nailed as a result of this probe, and if they do it will be because of some luck on the part of the investigators and the idiocy of whoever did it.

    They were incredibly stupid to do try this from a work computer, a corporate proxy server provides no safety net.

    And to heap stupid act on top of stupid act, the clicking on the link provided by the media from work.

    There are so many ways, that so many people are aware of, to engage in these sorts of activities with a comfortable degree on anonymity that to ignore them screams amateur user unbacked by a political party.

    There lessons for everyone here.

    For Harper, Toews, and the CPC it is that the Internet is not only a powerful tool for people in Syria and Egypt – and of course that you can only equate the average citizen with kiddie porn so often before you get bit on the a$$.

    For the activist, or anyone else criticizing a government that wants to extend it’s power of covert surveillance into our Internet connections, it’s that we need to be smart about it. Those unaware of the basic tools should check into things like free public wifi at coffee shops, the ToR browser project, and I2P.

  4. 4 B York Friday, February 17, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    It’s not just hockey, JJ. Miriam Toews is a Canadian literary treasure and hopefully not related to Vic.

    I was definitely not impressed that the ISP came from the HoC. That’s stupid if true. Vic’s affair and baby out of wedlock stuff was covered here in Winnipeg but I didn’t know that it was just a regional story. I don’t like the US style of politics that probe into your personal life but at the same time, I hate the hypocrisy of these “family values” types on both sides of the border.

    But I have to say, I loved the twitter barrage of #tellviceverything. I thought that was brilliant and showed such humour while making a very strong statement.

  5. 5 Terrence Friday, February 17, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Stageleft,

    I’m wondering how much the cold weather played into the leaker’s behavior. There are a bunch of coffee shops nearby, every one of which has free wifi. Aside from stupidity, laziness and fear of the cold wind in downtown Ottawa might explain why the leaker didn’t take the obvious course of action and do his work offsite.

  6. 6 Terrence Friday, February 17, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    I still like Toews disease:

    An STD that produces unfortunate facial hair growth, as well as a desire to read other people’s emails. Often carried by nannies and babysitters.

  7. 7 Gigi Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 12:10 am

    I love this #TellVicEverything meme (I keep reading “tell vice…” when it’s not camelcapped — fitting, I suppose). The hashtag thread has some great sarcasm.

    The Ironymeter(tm) b0rked over this whole thing. It seems so Art of War in that “your enemy will use the tactic he most fears” way. Call everyone else a pedophile in hopes of deflecting attention from his own situation.

  8. 8 hemmingforddogblog Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Poor Vic. The man is a walking cliche. Bonking the babysitter? Loose points for originality.

    But maybe the Conservatives were right on the Gay Marriage thing. If we had just denied gays the right to marry, Ol’ Vic would not have felt the need to go after the young woman and leave the sanctity of his marriage. This is obviously something that we should all think about. 🙂

  9. 9 stageleft Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 6:56 am

    That assumes that the individual was even in Ottawa, a point that is still quite debatable.

    The IP address under discussion is assigned to the HoC but that does not, in this day of widely distributed networks, mean that the workstation was in that building, or even in Ontario for that matter.

    My speculation remains that the individual was just too much of a network amateur to know how easily they could be traced, or to know the (even basic) multiple ways and tools for acquiring a reasonable degree of anonymity for this type of activity.

    If nothing else they can serve as a lesson in “how not to” for others unamused with the party in power (whoever they may be), or the government in general.

    — if yer gonna enter the arena, equip yourself.

  10. 10 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 8:08 am

    It’s almost unfair in a way… a sleazy old morally-bankrupt douche-goat like Toews/Taves is such easy pickings. He’s like a gift to amateur political pornographers 😉
    “Family Values!” he grunted as he penetrated the baby sitter’s every orifice…”

  11. 11 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 8:20 am

    An American politician’s career would finished over something like this

    Weird, isn’t it. Usually I tend to think our way is preferable and what our elected officials do outside of Parliament is their own business — ie. Jack Layton’s visit to a massage parlour: who cares? But when they’re FamVal hypocrites who blatantly don’t practice what they preach, then everything’s on the table as far as mockery goes.

  12. 12 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Yeah, that was kind of my first thought when I read that vikileaks was coming from the HofC: No way. Really? Also I recall as a wee new Net Surfer one of the first things I learned in Internet 101 was not to click on any links in emails unless I absolutely knew they were safe… maybe this isn’t the conventional wisdom anymore.

    What’s being said in defense of vikileaks30 is that a “Govt of Canada” computer could be situated at any government office from Victoria to St.Johns — IP lookup will still show it as being from Ottawa. But this is pretty weak. “Vikileaks30” has already been shut down by Twitter, so that’s how seriously our authoritarian government is taking it. The person behind the account will probably get pinched and fired if they haven’t been already. It seems a high price to pay for a bit of amusing activism that could have been done anonymously at the local Starbucks.

  13. 13 stageleft Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Vikileaks30 was discontinued by it’s user, from the Ottawa Citizen

    In the last two tweets, the author of Vikileaks30 appears to sign off, saying, “I am shutting down before any other innocent people are targeted. Please keep up the fight against #C30 Canada.” And then, finally, “You are showing the government that the people have the real power. Farewell.”

    I seriously doubt that the GoC could entice a foreign based social network to kill an account that quickly.

  14. 14 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Everything tweeted by vikileaks is public domain AFAIK: I myself blogged about some of it, way back in 2008 or so. So Toews’ self-righteous outrage rings a little hollow (kind of like his skull).

    But if the account really did originate at the HofC, it’s an indefensibly dumbass move. It’s one of those frustrating things that makes progressives look like blithering idiots (although pointing this out is apparently bad form, so I’ll leave it at that rather than risk any more deranged personal attacks).

  15. 15 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Well, I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t the govt that got it shut down. I must be getting paranoid in my old age!

  16. 16 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 9:58 am

    That’s definitely a good one: “toews” does sound like an STD, like “herpes”.

    “Before we go any further, my darling, there’s something I feel I must tell you… I have Toews.” Not bad, not bad at all 😎

  17. 17 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 10:27 am

    My speculation remains that the individual was just too much of a network amateur to know how easily they could be traced

    I find it amazing in this day & age that anyone who knows how to double-click on a browser icon could be so unaware of how easily IPs are traced that they’d think it was safe to use a govt work computer for this little project. But there doesn’t seem to be any other possible explanation.

  18. 18 JJ Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Borked!
    I love that word 😎

    It’s been my observation that there’s nobody more afraid of being stolen from than a petty thief. Same rule applies to sexual misbehaviour, I guess.

  19. 20 carole douaire Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    My guess here is that they may have “risked” their job to let Toews know how it feels to be spied upon!! Great timing and Kudos to you whomever you are!! A hack may be worth a thousand signatures!!

  20. 21 carole douaire Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Bush used that “You are either with us or against us” when garnering support to wage war on Iraq,, I am totally against Bill C30 but I can assure you , I am not a pedophile. I wonder how Toews likes having his privacy invaded?

  21. 22 fhg1893 Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Toews is emblematic of the Conservative propensity for not ideology, but sheer stubbornness. You’d think that they’d have learned by now, after that copy-right bill they’d tried to introduce a few years ago, much earlier into their term, that the internet is the new “third-rail” of Canadian politics. I think they probably wouldn’t attract even half the hate, if they’d just learn that the new commandment is, “THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH THE INTERNET!!!” I remember these two ministers with the “deer in the headlights” look in a scrum with the media just after they tabled that awful “digital lock” copyright bill. Anyway…

    Let me throw my hat into the ring. Toews: the practice of sexual intercourse in which one partner stubbornly refuses to apply sufficient lubricant, and the painful chafing and burning that follow, particularly in cases of heterosexual sex where the female is not sufficiently aroused to provide proper lubrication, possibly because she’s thinking about Vic Toews. Careful kids, Toews sex can result in serious injury. Don’t try this at home! 😆

  22. 23 MgS Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

    He wants a probe? Fine … shave of his ‘porn star’ moustache, dress him in a skirt and blouse, and then send him to board a plane. See if he can get past his government’s own “identity” regulations for air travel.

    He should get quite the “probing”…

    http://chrismilloy.ca/2012/01/transgender-people-are-completely-banned-from-boarding-airplanes-in-canada/

  23. 24 JJ Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Toews is also emblematic of why I say that this new breed of “conservative” (north and south of the border) is anything but. Conservatism used to be about protecting individual liberty, privacy, etc., and even conservation and good stewardship of the environment.

    Other than scrapping the LGR, I can’t think of anything Team Stupid has done that promotes those values. (As for the GOP south of the 49th, well, 2 words: Terry Schiavo. And it’s just gone downhill from there.)

    Good definition, I will add it to the list and maybe have a poll at some point 😛

  24. 25 JJ Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Wow. The amazing thing about that story is that this law has been in effect for quite some time, 6 months at least. I wonder if anyone has been affected by it yet (ie. turned away from a plane for being trans).

  25. 26 JJ Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    While I agree that the idea itself is excellent and makes the point perfectly, the vikileaks tweeter could & should have protected themselves (and others who might get caught up in a witch hunt) by simply using Tor or posting the vikileaks tweets from Starbucks. That’s my only issue with it. When being anonymous is so easy, why not do so?

  26. 27 JJ Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    That’s the point that vikileaks was intended to make, and did so with great panache 😎 It would have been nice if the account could have continued though, ie. if it was being tweeted anonymously. That would have driven Vic nuts! 😆

  27. 28 fhg1893 Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Other than scrapping the LGR, I can’t think of anything Team Stupid has done that promotes those values. (As for the GOP south of the 49th, well, 2 words: Terry Schiavo. And it’s just gone downhill from there.)

    With this latest dust-up, I’m conflicted to be honest. On one hand, I’m a little miffed at all the Johnny-come-lately bunch who are just now starting to complain about their civil rights. Three months ago, they had absolutely no problem screwing gun owners, and a lot of ’em still don’t.

    On the other hand, what the fuck? You take a stand for civil liberties and then immediately backslide on everything you just fought for AND you pissed off the whole goddamned country while you were at it!?! Are you guys fucking insane!? Three months ago, nobody had any hope of bringing down the CPC for at least a whole election cycle, but now? It’s like these guys defeated themselves a mere 10 months after getting their majority! Six months ago the CPC was the only game in town, but now, even the gun nuts are giving serious thought to turning on the CPC! Some have already decided that if this bill doesn’t die, they’re finished with these two-faced loons, and I can’t say I blame them.

    If there was a manual on how to ruin a government, I’m pretty sure that this might just be the ultimate example…

  28. 29 MgS Monday, February 20, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Transport Canada denies that there have been any trans people turned away “if they were carrying medical documentation”. The “medical documentation” clause terrifies me for a variety of reasons.

    There are scads of problems with this – starting with the fact that not all trans people have “carry letters” for that purpose. Few trans people are “perfectly passable” – most have some small cues of one sort or another that could be used to deny them boarding. (brow ridge, hand size, shoulder width come to mind for Male to Female (MTF) transsexuals)

    More broadly, these regulations are so broad that anybody (trans or not) who doesn’t meet some arbitrary notion of what it means to “resemble your gender” could be refused boarding.


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