DROP YOUR SOCKS & GRAB YOUR… whatever.  Helmets on!  We’ve got Incoming!

You’ll recall my unrestrained and unbridled joyous delirium earlier this week at the return of extravagantly anti-choice blogger Socks-on or Bust… and also my suspicion that I might possibly be the Target of yet another Prayer Assault:

Well, it turns out I was Right:

Whew… little did I know that every Monday night at 9pm Pacific as I settle in to watch Law & Order, John & The Lord are settling in with me.  I’m not very big, so there’s lots of room in my La-Z-Boy®, but I don’t know if there’s THAT much room.  But I’m getting prepared… inside my kevlar-lined, steel-belted anti-prayer helmet, my head will be wrapped in an entire roll of tinfoil to ward off the attack.

And after all, I am well accustomed to dealing with Prayer Assaults, even warding off a Full-Scale 30-day Prayer Assault during some dark days on the battlefield.  But I’m especially adept at defending myself from Prayer Assaults of the Catholic persuasion: my boyfriend is a practicing Catholic, an aged, dissolute former altar boy who claims to be praying for me non-stop at top speed, or however urgent, desperate prayers for immortal souls are delivered.  When I showed him Paycheck’s post he could barely contain his joy.  But the Law of Unintended Consequences has once again prevailed: he says he’ll be joining in on the Monday Night Prayer Assault, even at the risk of missing the first few minutes of Law & Order, because more than one person praying at the same time is supposedly more intense than 2 individual Prayer Assaults.

Good to know:  I’m going to the store now for another roll of tinfoil, and then I’m Ready.  Bring It On Boyz!

28 Responses to “INCOMING!!!”

  1. 1 cityprole Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Monday night, eh? Well one of the guys i used to work with often called me the nickname he gave me, Druid, so guess I’ll be heaving my sorry ass out of the leather chair and doing my naked PAGAN orgy riot dance to counter John’s deranged jeebus mythos…oh, and make sure to let him know I’ll be sacrificing a few of those 72 virgins he must figure on scoring in heaven…wait, that’s Moslem fundamentalists, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Or maybe it’ll be one of those 12 year old cousins John’s shrunken gene pool relatives are so fond of marrying..
    Being prayed for means never having to say you’re surly….but don’t let that stop you, girl!

  2. 2 thereginamom Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Monday night. 9 pm Pacific. Hmm. Here on the Prairies, that’d be 10 pm. Things are pretty quiet on the ranch around that time. Maybe I’ll do some spell-work…

  3. 3 bleatmop Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Publicly declaring you will pray for someone, the ultimate in Xtianity passive aggressiveness.

  4. 4 p and a j Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Good to hear my former collegues in the christ still do the medieval blessed sacrament gig. Old rubrics die hard in sanctus-land for fear of upsetting the card house built upon the mysteries of blind faith. Blessed be the bread worshippers, for they shall inherit the mirth.

  5. 5 Toe Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Oo-Oo I have a Prayer too! Umm dif subjects, Robocalls/Bill C-30

    Harper, in the name of Truthiness I break, crush, destroy and sever every soul tie, hook, link, connection, attachment and device from myself to your Internal Data Base and from the Data Base records back to myself, in Truthiness’ name. Harper, I ask you to remove, delete, purge and destroy all my records, images, thoughts, words and actions stored in this system as well as all duplicate copies, backup copies, emergency copies and extra copies stored anywhere in creation, in Truthiness’ name. Harper, I ask you to totally remove me from every system, database, storage device, archive and library owned or operated by your forces of darkness and to prevent my information from being put back into those systems, in Truthiness’ name I pray, amen. Repeat 3 times HELP FIND A CURE FOR NEO-CONSERVATISM, EVERY MONDAY NIGHT @ 9:00 P.M. PACIFIC.
    Let it be known that in the name of Truthiness that Viagra Vic’s Privacy Had To Be Invaded to Teach a Valuable Lesson to the World. Amen.

  6. 7 Niles Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 11:05 am

    For your entertainment, JJ.

    The ex-evangelical pastor Don Barker, now a co-leader of Freedom From Religion is also a musician. Ironically, he still gets royalties from Christian musicals he wrote.

    Anyway, he’s better than tinfoil.

    Nothing Fails Like Prayer

  7. 8 sassy Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Thanks for the video.

    I was wondering how the prayer thing works, Do they take special requests “pray that I win the lottery”, if god existed would she send you a postcard/email/tweet saying that she has been petitioned and is working on it, is there a praying fee, and if so, is it refundable if the prayer is not answered.

  8. 9 JJ Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Yes yes! You must do your naked pagan orgy riot dance, Monday night, 9pm sharp! This guy’s a Serious Catholic, probably capable of F-22-style prayer assaults. I need all the reinforcements I can get out here!

  9. 10 JJ Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Fire up the spell-caster, R-Mom! I need it going full-tilt boogie by 10pm on Monday!

  10. 11 JJ Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Heh – thanks, that’s a good’un.
    You know, it occurred to me for one brief and terrifying moment that this could be imprecatory prayer he’s talking about… but I asked my BF and he assured me that imprecatory prayer isn’t a Catholic thing. (Good to have someone around who can translate the Catholic dialect of Christianese for me.)

  11. 12 JJ Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    sassy – Actually, I think they do take requests, but the requests have to be about godly stuff. I don’t think they pray on your behalf for Apple stock to go up.

  12. 13 bleatmop Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Sassy – I’m sure I don’t know. I haven’t been a christian in a couple decades now. However, it would seem that Matthew 21:22 would indicate that all true believers get whatever they want when they pray for it.

  13. 14 Phatbiker Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Maybe I can get him to pray for some beer and wings for me.

  14. 15 HowardV Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Hard to understand this enthusiam especially when a Christian offers to “Pray for you”. This usually transulates to “I’m going to stay home and do nothing about your little silly-ass problem”.

  15. 16 cindy smith Monday, April 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    I can tell how popular “paychecks’ site is by the almost complete lack of comments!

  16. 17 hemmingforddogblog Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 6:59 am

    So…it’s the day after the night before. Are you alright? He seems to be gloating over your boyfriend for some reason. Conversion imminent?

  17. 18 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

    “Viagra Vic” 😆
    Good prayer, though.
    At least, as far as I know about such things, which isn’t very far 😛

  18. 19 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

    LOL, thanks. Good one.

  19. 20 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:41 am

    There could be something to this prayer stuff… yesterday I was praying for a pepperoni & pineapple pizza with stuffed crust and lo, it appeared unto me later that day.

  20. 21 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Not always.
    Sometimes they really believe they’re in a battle to rescue souls that have been kidnapped by Satan, and prayer is sort of like their Ultimate Weapon against the forces of darkness.
    Or so I’ve been told

  21. 22 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:52 am

    These Papist Prayer Warriors like to keep a low profile

  22. 23 JJ Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 11:56 am

    😆 I should never have mentioned that 😆 Needless to say, religion isn’t something we spend a lot of time discussing… except when he’s on his way out the door to go to mass, turns and sighs and says “I wish I could get you to come back to the church”.
    That’s my cue to break into my Heathen Devil Dance. 😈

  23. 24 anonymou Wednesday, May 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    So much anger and hatred on this site. It’s really sad.

  24. 25 Toe Wednesday, May 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Anonymou, where is the hatred, where is the anger? Be precise pls.

  25. 26 hemmingforddogblog Thursday, May 3, 2012 at 12:38 am

    You obviously haven’t been over to
    SoCon’s place.

    BTW if read all the comments here (carefully) you will notice that this is really Party Central! Party on Wayne!

  1. 1 Socon or Bust » Hippie is vulnerable. End is sooner that I thought. Trackback on Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 8:01 pm
  2. 2 Hippie is vulnerable. End is sooner that I thought. | Catholic Canada Trackback on Monday, April 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

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