Archive for the 'oh canada!' Category

Oh please

In what deranged, demented, scum-ridden universe is this the equivalent of this?

I haven’t read up on this Electoral Fraud thing that has apparently been perpetrated enough to make any in-depth comments on it.  However, I do know that a campaign of calls purposely directing people to the wrong polling station isn’t even in the same ballpark (or the same series, or even the same sport for that matter) as calls that simply state the on-the-record position of a candidate.

Ugh.  Quickly quickly now please: make haste and get me the Febreze®.  The fetid stench of CPC desperation is stinking up my entire office…

(h/t: DJ)


Canada’s Back!

Are we gettin shit done or what?

The Turning of the C-30 Screw continues

Although the government appears to be backing off from introducing their intrusive new internet snooping/spying/sticking-their-noses-in-the-citizens’-private-business bill, today Anonymous once again takes to YouTube to speak for angry Canuckistanian web surfers and issue  a warning… 7 Days, Mr. Toews!:

I wonder how long it will be before Toews or one of his brain-damaged fellow travellers analogizes the Anonymous videos with the ones put out by bin Laden every so often?  He’s already insinuated that Canadian citizens who dare to disagree with his ham-fisted attack on internet privacy are Enemas of the State who Stand with Child Pronographers. “Terrist” can’t be far off.

On the other hand, maybe the time for Toewsian arrogance is past.  Considering the kind of putrescent slimeball he obviously is, I bet he’s got a lot more skeletons clamouring to be released from a closet whose door is just barely hanging on by one stripped and rusty Robertson.

If he resigns he can always say he wants to spend more time with his familieS.

Anonymous not letting up on Toews

Vic Toews, you were warned!:

(Text pasted here.)

Oh wow.  I didn’t know the mistress was snorting and scarfing at the Public Trough right alongside her Viagra-starched paramour, but am I surprised? Are you?

The Toewster’s squeals and bleats about McCarthyesque investigations notwithstanding, my sense is that Anonymous might be difficult to investigate since it’s not an “organization” as such, but in commenter fhg’s words, “a loose ad-hoc collection of script kiddies with perhaps a handful of talented hackers who help them out sometimes”.  I suppose anyone can be outed eventually — that is, after all, the purpose of the kind of heavy-handed anti-privacy legislation that Toews champions — but not before the weather in Toews’ neck of the woods gets so uncomfortably warm that he starts drowning in his own swinish sweat.

But this assumes that Toews is a Normal Human Being who might be shamed by the ugly skeletons that boogie out of his closet and dance around him in a salacious conga line of lewdness and lechery, and the jury’s still out on that one.

In that context, commenter bleatmop pointed out another distressing possibility: that the gang of brainless authoritarian thugs on Parliament Hill  might use this episode of internet pushback as proof that the Nets are Totally Out Of Control and need to be put on a leash even more robust than Bill C-30.  Alarmingly, as I took my Morning Scroll through Twitter today, I saw a few comments to the effect that internet users should be mandated to post under their real names, which would obviously prevent much of the kind of activism we see with Anonymous.  (Oh yeah, and so much for that “Arab Spring” thing.)  It’s more than a distinct possibility that this would be their response: if they bite, can we bite back?

Toews can dish it out, can’t take it

Let the probery begin:

The RCMP is investigating “serious threats” allegedly made against Public Safety Minister Vic Toews as opposition to a contentious Internet surveillance law grows.

In an open letter to his Manitoba constituents distributed over the weekend, Toews said the threats have been “referred to the police for investigation.”

The “personal attacks, criminal acts and threats of future criminal acts against me” won’t prevent him from carrying out his parliamentary duties, he wrote.

“Any further criminal activity or threats of criminal activity against me or my family will also be referred to the police,” Toews concluded.

Toews doesn’t specify exactly what he means by “criminal activity or theats”, and I’ve seen little evidence of anything that could be so described on the Toews twitterstreams, blogposts or videos, so I have to wonder if maybe this isn’t a case of being able to dish it out but not take it.

Certainly the past week hasn’t been one that Toews will look back on fondly, since he spent most of it watching with impotent rage as he was mocked and castigated with great gusto by a relentless online Insult Juggernaut.  No doubt he’s painfully aware that a good deal of amusement continues to be had at his expense (and rightly so).  But if there was anything even remotely “criminal” in the scornful laughter and hoots of derision being directed his way on the internets, I missed it.

From where I sit, the only thing that’s being criminally threatened is the privacy of Canadians — hey cops, how about we investigate that??

AND, also:  For your further amusement, the best of the #tellviceverything tweets.

AND in related, or at least *oddly similar*, news:  Hmmm. 

(2nd Image via fhg in the comments)

Toews makes the Big Time

Oh-oh… Vic Toews has drawn the ire of Anonymous.

This is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Who’s sorry now, Vic?

UPDATE:  Whoops.  Account closed, vid no longer available.

UPDATE II:  New video (thanks to Sassy in the comments)

Vic Toews wants a Probe

And I’ve got just the cattle prod for the job.

No seriously… after beclowning himself to the point where he’s become an Internet Meme, (no, really) he’s calling for A Probe:

Public Safety Minister Vic Toews is calling for an investigation into the source of a Twitter account that is being used to release details of his divorce.

The Twitter account was created earlier this week after the Conservatives introduced legislation requiring Internet service providers to monitor their clients’ online activity.

Maybe he should just take a quick jaunt down to the Great State of Virginia, dress up as a woman and tell a doctor he needs an abortion — then he’ll get all the probing he wants or needs, or doesn’t want or need, courtesy of the Small Government GOP-controlled Legislature.

Hardy har har.  Well, you knew that was coming, but it wouldn’t have felt right to let it slide.

Or this:

While we’re on the topic, one other point of interest if you please.  This having been an extremely Toewsy week, I was reminded of a plan that was in the works some time ago to santorumize the name “Toews”, as suggested by no less than Dan Savage:

Finally: Toews is pronounced “taves,” and it seems to me that it should be a word for something nasty. Get on it, Canada.

But as an American Dan is probably unfamiliar with the power of Hockey over the Canadian psyche and why it meant that his truly great idea was nonetheless doomed from the start.  Timing: it’s all about timing.  The idea to santorumize the name Toews was floated just after the 2010 Olympics, when a hockey player inconveniently named Toews had scored a crucial goal leading to Team Canada’s Gold Medal win.  Canucks felt weird about besmirching his name, so a great idea was left to wither on the vine.

The sacrifices we make for Hockey.  If not for that pivotal goal, by now “toews” would be known far and wide as a kind of lemon-scented moist towelette used to wipe off santorum.  (Always keep a box of Toews on the bedside table!)

RossK nails it

on the question of how we should be dealing with Harper and his caucus on the question of state intervention into the most private personal aspects of womens’ lives.

Our CPC Government has taken to playfully allowing certain MPs to mouth off about their desire to roll back womens’ rights to suit the religious sensibilities of the Bronze Age crackpots who dominate the shriekiest corner of their base.  The latest of these unwanted flirtations started in December with the goofy, slyly veiled twitterthreats of nobody MP Stephen Woodworth, who claimed to have no agenda…

…he just wanted to debate “policy”, that’s all, nothing to do with legislation restricting womens’ rights…

…until it was:

“My inclination is that I probably will be looking at a motion,” Mr. Woodworth said in a telephone interview on Wednesday after issuing a second news release to state his opposition to Canadian law which declares babies to be human at the moment they have fully emerged from the birth canal.

…and finally it ended this week, as we all knew it would but Woodworth refused to cop to, with yet another dead-on-arrival, socially-retarded motion that’s meant to profoundly impact womens’ reproductive autonomy.  This year’s back door is a committee to decide “when life begins”:

An Ontario Conservative MP has filed a motion in the House of Commons asking parliament to form a special committee to study a 400-year-old definition of a human being – a move that effectively brings the emotionally divisive issue of abortion back on the table.

Let’s be clear:  if an NDP MP filed a motion proposing a taxpayer money-sucking committee to study the equally ridiculous question of “where the universe ends”, it would be roundly ridiculed, and rightly so.  But Woodworth’s bill has the overwhelming stench of Wedge, so rather than being universally castigated as the brain droppings of a Bronze Age crackpot, it’s being taken seriously.  Which is just what Stephen Harper wants, because it gives him yet another opportunity to say “No, we won’t be re-opening blah blah blah”, and re-establish himself as The Grownup in a roomful of brain-damaged children.

In Normal Times, a woman’s right to reproductive self-determination wouldn’t be a question: this battle was fought and won by the side of liberty long ago.  But in these strange and savage times, things are almost never what they seem.  Our image-obsessed PM occasionally allows his braindead backbench bulldogs to escape the yard and run up the street chasing cars and biting tires and barking madly so that he comes across as The  Reasonable Guy when he gets them on-leash and herds them back to the yard.

Moronic anti-choice bills make their way into the House with depressing regularity (and they’re not always tabled by Conservatives).  To actually pass one would revive fears of Harper’s Hidden Agenda and likely be political suicide for the CPC, but since they’re in the Parliamentary driver’s seat with little in the way of Opposition there’s good reason for vigilance at the very least.

RossK is right: any CRAP MP who starts flinging this manipulative shit around should absolutely not be let off the hook to sneak away like Eddie Haskell while Harpie does his best Dad-yelling.  And not just the MPs: it’s time for Harper himself to come clean on the issue.  Coyly stating that he’s “somewhere between the two extremes” is no longer good enough, for me anyway.

I’m serious:  I’m reachin out, baby:

Harpie’s Bad Move and the Wrath of Elders

It was a little like finding out your spouse is running around on you from someone in the cashout lineup at the grocery store.

Indeed, it was absolutely doubleplus-awesome of Harpie to save for a hectoring speech he delivered in luxo-lux Davos last week the fact that Canadian Seniors are the next target in his Mighty Crosshairs of Austerity:

Addressing the World Economic Forum, Prime Minister Stephen Harper signalled his government will bring forward “major transformations” to the country in the coming months — in areas such as the retirement pension system, immigration, science and technology investment and the energy sector — while making a forceful case for pro-growth economic policies over entitlements.

…or more accurately, “His Mighty Crosshairs of Austerity For Thee But Not For Me”.

It doesn’t seem possible that Harper the Brilliant Strategist could miscalculate this so badly.

Even though “retirement income changes won’t be sudden“, seniors being savaged by the state in any way just doesn’t sound good, and the reality of it is probably as bad as it sounds. And there’s no anger like Crotchety Old Person anger.

Anyone who understands electoral demographics knows this — seniors are the only demographic that votes consistently and conservatively: fuck with them at your peril.  The government that provokes their wrath can count on a reaction of unspeakable savagery at the ballot box, not to mention the donation box.

All of which doesn’t even consider the boomers slouching towards retirement:

With so many baby boomers near retirement age (myself included), this issue strikes close to home for many of us. Baby boomers live in those hard fought-for suburban ridings that the Conservatives needed to win to obtain their majority. There are political consequences for this government if they cannot turn this story around to their advantage.

And say what you will about Boomerscum, we ended a vile, brainless war, impeached a paranoid and perfidious President and forced government out of our wombs and away from our weddings: we know how to protest… Man.  Harper can’t even begin to imagine the cataclysmic fury of grayhairs forced to put down their glasses of Pinot Noir and rise from their La-Z-Boys® to man the barricades once again.

UPDATE:  That’s a good boy, Stevie.  Have a cookie.  Unfortunately for you, our memories haven’t faded so much that we don’t remember Income Trusts.

We are AnonySenior.  We are legion.  We do not forgive.  We do not forget (well, sometimes).  Expect us… to be watching your lying ass closely.  For the lulz!

(cartoon from Halifax Chronicle-Herald)

In which a good case is made for the aerial spraying of Prozac® over the Progressive Blogosphere

With all due respect, please… get a grip.  Does anyone seriously believe this is part of Harper’s legendary Hidden Agenda®©™ to Destroy Gay Marriage?

As opposed to maybe, err um you know, a goofy screwup of lawyerly semantics over some uncrossed “T”s and undotted “I”s in our relatively-new equal marriage laws?

The Harper government is working quickly to change the law so that the marriages of the thousands of gay couples who travel to Canada to wed are legally recognized in this country.

“We want to make it very clear that in our government’s view, these marriages should be valid,” a senior government official told Postmedia News on Friday.

“That’s why we will change the Civil Marriage Act so that any marriages performed in Canada that aren’t recognized in the couple’s home jurisdiction will be recognized in Canada.”

Much as I’m loathe to defend the Harper Government, I will only dump on it when dumping is due, which in this case, it isn’t.  Hey, it wasn’t the odious Harpercons™ that crafted the legislation and forgot to cross the i’s and dot the t’s in the first place.  “Forgot”??  Or Martin’s Hidden Agenda??

And speaking of irrational paranoia and pot-stirring, the Globe & Mail has secured itself a permanent place in my Hall of Inflammatory Rhetorical Shame for starting their article on this non-event like this:

The Harper government has served notice that thousands of same-sex couples who flocked to Canada from abroad since 2004 to get married are not legally wed.

“Served notice”?  Now I wonder how many interpreted this to mean an actual notice, on paper, the kind that gets served in person by the court.  But never mind that:  the G&M also gets a citation in Hall of Hypocrisy and Silly Walkbacks.   Yesterday’s article on this topic, once shriekingly headed like this:

…has apparently taken its pill, done some yoga, calmed down a bit and realized its headline was complete Bullshit, and now looks more benignly like this:

The URL’s the tell!  Change it, turkeys.  Duh.

Not that I don’t harbour my own form of aberrant paranoia, and it makes me wonder what havoc the Harper Government©®™ managed to wreak on other areas of the Canadian body politic while everyone was busy running around in circles with their hair on fire over this non-issue.  Eyes on the ball, peeps.  We wouldn’t want the general electorate to get the idea that progressives are paranoid conspiracy theorists….

…or would we!??

Give it up, Woodworth

When you’ve lost the National Post, it’s Game Over:

Anyone paying attention over the past few weeks would have spotted the most unlikely of Canadian events: a debate over abortion.  […]

Mr. Woodworth’s quixotic campaign — and the P.E.I. activists’ failed attempts — prove that a broad debate in Canada on abortion is almost incapable of lasting more than a few weeks.

And it’s not just the National Post pronouncing that Woodworth’s sleazy little campaign to make Abortion the Canadian Political Topic du Jour is stillborn, DOA, pining for the fjords, etc.:

Even the Catholic bishop of Calgary, Fred Henry, agrees there is more to what Mr. Woodworth is proposing than meets the eye, even though he is sympathetic with what the MP is trying to do.

“He’s reaching for straws,” said Bishop Henry. “He’s grasping for anything that will open any kind of debate on abortion.

Bishop Fred Henry… gee, that name sounds so familiar.  And who exactly is Bishop Fred Henry?  One of these radical pro-choice Catholics?  Not exactly:

Calgary’s Catholic bishop said Tuesday he’s prepared to order Calgary Separate School Board officials to ban Progressive Conservative Leader Joe Clark from its schools.

Calgary’s Bishop Frederick Henry told a local radio talk show Tuesday that it’s “scandalous behaviour” for a Roman Catholic politician like Clark, MP for Calgary Centre, to declare himself pro-choice on the abortion issue.

Much as I support your right to talk and tweet and write little pressers about whatever tickles your fetus fetishizing fancy, if I were a friend my friendly advice would be to drop this particular crusade and move on to something that’s less likely to end in crushing, psychologically-debilitating disappointment.  You lost this one years ago to the side of liberty; it’s probably a bad idea to invite the public humiliation of losing it all over again.

Also, I don’t know if it’s occurred to you, but in this Foul Year of Our Lord 2012 Canadian taxpayers would no doubt prefer that the hard-earned money they’re paying their elected representatives is being spent on something a little more pressing than revisiting some long-dead Culture War issue.

Ya think??

NatPo issues lame & wrong apology for insulting ad, fixes it, well done NatPo

Religious right crackpot Charles McVety has been a busy little bible-banger lately, and as usual it’s all about  S E X , raising the question:

Does this guy EVER get any?

(Whoops, sorry if that conjured up any unpleasant visuals.  Next time I’ll use a trigger warning.)

Chuck’s latest Adventure in Sexland was an ad that everyone’s seen by now: a full page of feverish, won’t-someone-think-of-the-children hysteria objecting to public school kids being taught why they shouldn’t beat up and torment other kids who are “different”.  The ad is a nauseating amalgam of bigotry and self righteous slop that would give most normal people the dry heaves, especially since it appeared not long after bullying claimed its latest victim.  Most media decline to publish this kind of swill, their vetting procedures rejecting it before it can assault any human eyes.  But at the NatPo, McVety’s ad slid through while the morning circlejerk was in progress and all eyes were shut tight, shouts of ecstasy echoing down the hallways to Production and Circulation… some even whisper in awe about the faint, euphoric grunts that could be heard as far away as Advertising Sales…

Well, I can’t think of any other reason for this goofy thing getting published, can you?

Outrage ensued and the NP issued an apology:

The National Post has procedures in place for vetting the content of advertising, especially advocacy advertising. The procedures are intended to ensure that such ads meet a standard of tone and respect that is consistent with furthering constructive dialogue about important public policy issues.

In this case, those procedures were not followed. An ad that should not have run in its proposed form was allowed to run.

This ad will not run in the National Post again.

…and fucked it up royally

[…] and in its singling out of groups of people who have made choices about their sexuality with which the group disagrees.

Whoops!  Another quick outraged boot to the NatPo’s nads, and that became:

[…] people with whose sexuality the group disagrees.

And I can finally say, Good On The NatPo for an apology well-done, if protracted, and after all, not one they were obliged to make.  They’ve even launched an investigation to find out how it all happened (although it might be easier just to re-schedule the circlejerk for later in the day, after all ads have been safely vetted).

EXTRA EXTRA!  What are we to make of this?  SATIRE: the “tell” is that it sounds sane and rational.

Harper’s Trost Trouble No Trouble

And what are we to think of mouthy little Brad Trost, the CPC backbencher from Saskatchewan who’s gotten into the habit of losing control of his yap and going rogue on the topic of abortion lately, even on nationwide TV?

Speaking to CBC’s Evan Solomon, host of Power & Politics, Trost said the government should “take a position that’s at least moderate, rather than the extreme left position that we’re taking.”

“I don’t think the government takes an actively left-wing position, but the government has taken an apathetic position toward it, and I don’t feel that’s appropriate. I feel that it’s a civil rights issue that needs to be addressed,” Trost said.

Next up for Trost?

It’s a left-wing position but it’s not a left-wing position.  Well, that makes sense.  About as much sense as saying it’s a “civil rights issue” — meaning the civil rights of Joe Fetus, of course.

We already know that Trost’s views are shared with others in the CPC who could be characterized as Rabidly Anti-Abortion (*waves* Hi Cheryl).  But the government has largely ignored the issue — it only seems to come up when some baffled little fart of a backbencher tables a goofy bill about “coerced abortions” or some such shit, it’s promptly shot down and life goes on.

The PM seems agnostic about it.  Harper’s said many times that the issue won’t be raised as long as his ass warms the Big Chair, and has described his own personal position as “complex” and “not in any of the polar extremes on the issue”, which sounds suspiciously pro-choicy to me.  But one thing is clear: it’s a toxic issue for Harper because it conjures up visions of the “Hidden Agenda” that have dogged him for years, so he mostly avoids it and strongly recommends his MPs do the same.  Anyone who steps out of line quickly finds himself outfitted in a leathery “Gimp” suit, ball-gagged and hanging from the ceiling of Harper’s Secret Parliamentary Dungeon, where the unspeakable acts of discipline are carried out… ugh… ack!  Screech

Whoops, got a little carried away there…  But you have to wonder why Harper’s been so unresponsive while Trost yaps like a frenzied little anklebiter, barking his brains out about such a verboten topic.  Maybe the Gimp suit is out at the dry cleaners?

Or maybe Harper knows that using a backbencher to make the social conservatives happy and take their minds off the things that make them unhappy:

“So in reinvigorating the debate as they have by funding IPPF, you’ll see more politicians like myself will be discussing the matter. In a respectful way, but it will be discussed,” he told CBC News following his interview with Solomon.

Trost said some social conservatives will feel it was a slap in the face. He admits he may get in trouble for speaking out against a Conservative minister’s decision.

…is just Good Politics.

Harper “ensconced” in power for next 8 years??

“Ensconced” — I love that word.  But in this case…

As much as I might roll my eyes at the feverish fear and loathing Harper provokes in some of the more doctrinaire corners of Left Blogistan, even I have trouble with the idea of him being ensconced — or even sconced — in power for another 8 years.  Thirteen(13) consecutive years of Harpie??  Say it ain’t so:

After uniting the right, winning three consecutive Conservative governments, and now facing an opposition in disarray, Prime Minister Stephen Harper could be in power until 2020.

“I think he’s safely ensconced for at least another eight years,” predicts veteran Parliament Hill journalist and Globe and Mail national affairs columnist Lawrence Martin, who documented Prime Minister Harper’s (Calgary Southwest, Alta.) consolidation of power over five years of minority government in Harperland: The Politics of Control. The bestselling book was re-released last week with a new chapter.

With both the NDP and Liberals in search of leaders who can challenge the Prime Minister in 2015, it appears that the next election is already his to lose.

His to lose his to lose his to lose

In the absence of an aggressively charismatic opposition leader and/or an economy that goes completely to shit, incumbents are always hard to take out.  This goes double(x2) for Harper, who strikes me as the type who’d hang on by his ragged, fungus-laden little toenails simply because he’s got nothing better to do.  Former Harper advisor and remorseful wannabe hit man Tom Flanagan concurs:

“He doesn’t really care much about money,” Mr. Flanagan told The Hill Times. “He likes to watch hockey and so on, but he doesn’t have a lot of active interests that he wants to pursue. He doesn’t play golf. He doesn’t play tennis. He doesn’t care much for travel. He doesn’t paint. He doesn’t garden. He doesn’t fish. You know, he loves politics.”

Never mind voting:  now we finally know for sure how to remove Harper from office.  Find him a hobby!  Stamp collecting, home brewing, karaoke, bingo, sky diving, basket weaving, triathlon, anything that will rouse in him such a passion that he can’t wait to leave Parliament Hill behind so he can devote more time to it.

Suggestions, as always, are welcome!

Canada’s government has experienced shrinkage?

At least according to the Wall Street Journal.


“Why Canada is beating America” is a concept I imagine is rarely pondered south of the border, primarily because in that neck of the woods the prevailing opinion is that nobody beats them at anything, ever.  But the Wall Street Journal boldly goes there, and I can’t help being reminded of Rick Mercer’s “Talking To Americans”.  Really, eh?:


While the U.S. remains mired in debt and slogs through a subpar economic recovery, Canada is moving ahead steadily. Its unemployment rate peaked at a little over 8.5% and is now 7.4%, and there were no bank bailouts. Real GDP growth is expected to be roughly 3% this year.

And how did we manage this?  Because we apparently “shrank government”.  Yep, and we have a National Igloo and a 65-minute hour!

But the WSJ is missing part of the story.  Canada’s *real* unemployment is a lot higher than 7.4%, since those who’ve run out their EI benefits (and they are legion) aren’t included in the statistics.  Our banks weren’t going hat in hand to the government because financial regulations that many Americans would consider unacceptably intrusive prevented them from engaging in the kind of kamikaze casino capitalism that sunk a few US investment banks and set off a worldwide economic cataclysm in 2008.  (And besides, the banks own this place.)

“Shrank government”… really!?  As far as I can see, government under the Conservatives is just as obscenely bloated as it was under their Liberal predecessors. As the population ages and civil servants wander out to pasture there may be some attrition, but for now we’ve still got big fat greasy, slow-moving, dull-witted government in the fine old Canuckistanian tradition.  AND a Prime Minister who spends like a drunken sailor (my apologies to drunken sailors), on all kinds of dumb shit nobody wants or needs.

The Cons might dream of turning Canada’s government into a highly-functioning, lean mean austerity machine, but the notion that they’ve already done so and are reaping the rewards of their fiscal responsibility (Ha! Hahaha!) is so goofy it makes me wonder if the source material for this article was some Harper Government-approved propaganda from the Canadian Embassy.

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