Humour Break. Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

Joe Biden walks into a biker bar.  Immediately he’s got Jim’s ol’ lady sitting on his lap:

Reportedly Biden spent the rest of the day tugging on Superman’s cape, spitting into the wind, and pulling the mask off the old Lone Ranger.

That said, does this photo not cry for captions?  Have at ‘er.

(And Joe, if you ever need your lap warmed by another biker chick: Call me!)

(*fark)

From the “Pot Meet Kettle” files

…which can be accessed in the directory labeled “Heh“…

I guess Immigration Minister and Complete Buffoon Jason Kenney must have missed the Windows For Dummies class where they explained the cataclysmic difference between “reply” and “reply to all”.  Last week Kenney received an email invitation to meet with the deputy premier of Alberta:

“Honourable Thomas Lukaszuk, deputy premier of Alberta will be in Ottawa on Thursday, June 21st, 2012 and is requesting a lunch or dinner with caucus,” says the email written by Calkins’ legislative assistant at 4:57 p.m. “Mr. Calkins will not be able to host this event as he has prior commitments, but would like to see if there is any caucus member who would be willing to host this event for the deputy premier.”

…and as luck would have it, someone turned him loose on a computer and it wasn’t long before the shit hit the fan:

Kenney shot back a response just five minutes later, but instead of sending it only to Calkins’ office, he inadvertently sent it to everyone in the 26-member federal Alberta caucus, plus assistants: “I say a definite ‘no’ to Lukaszyk. I don’t think it makes sense to create a precedent to do a special caucus meeting for every visiting minister from the provincial government. Plus he is a complete and utter asshole.”

When you think about it, it’s actually a pretty efficient move on Kenney’s part.  Certainly no more time will be wasted discussing meetings with Lukaszuk, now and forever.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Or as wingnutty World Net Daily likes to call it…

BIG SODOMY

There’s something Poe-ish about this, no?

It’s quite likely that when @shawnmicallef tweeted the above photo and accompanying commentary, he had no idea that BIG GAY was actually a legitimate concept in the World Net Daily school of Fundamentalist Christian thought.  (Or “thought”, whatever the case may be.)

(h/t fern hill on Twitter)

Mama mia Mama mia Mama mia let me go

Drunk, arrested, and on the way to the local constabulary in the back of a cop car:  could there be a more perfect time to burst into a full rendition of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”?

It kind of makes sense when you think about it: I don’t know of any other song that says “Let Me Go!” so many times.

UPDATE:  (Is this the real life?  Is this just fantasy?)

We have a backstory on this awesome epic performance:

The star of that viral “Bohemian Rhapsody” police video is an unemployed Canadian man who first uploaded the clip to his YouTube page after receiving it from prosecutors when he opted to defend himself on a drunk driving charge.

After getting busted last November in Edson, Alberta, Robert Wilkinson, 29, was placed in the back of a Royal Canadian Mounted Police cruiser, where he launched into an a capella version of the Queen classic (complete with musical interludes).

I’m blown away that he could remember all the lyrics while, um, allegedly under the influence.  I know all the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody and a lot of other Queen songs (“Rub her back, she’s as willing as/Playful as a pussycat/Momentarily out of action, temporarily out of gas/She’ll absolutely drive you wiiiiiiiiild, wiiiiiiild…”) because about 20 years ago I had all my CDs stolen except for “Queen’s Greatest Hits”, which was still sitting inside the CD player.  But I’m not so sure I’d remember them if I was drunk in the back of a police car.  That kind of skill is intuitive, it can’t be learned.

So this talented young troubadour is fighting the drunk driving charge… well, I wish him the best of luck, he deserves to win it just for giving 2 million people such a good laugh this week.  That’s a shitload of good karma he’s racked up!  But I’m not sure the video will be helpful to his case.

Focus on the 420

The notorious Pat Robertson — yep, the “700 Club” Pat Robertson — says pot should be legal “like alcohol“:

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says marijuana should be legalized and treated like alcohol because the government’s war on drugs has failed.

The outspoken evangelical Christian and host of “The 700 Club” on the Virginia Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network he founded said the war on drugs is costing taxpayers billions of dollars. He said people should not be sent to prison for marijuana possession.

This comes as absolutely no surprise to me — I mean, just look at the guy:

Ahhh, yeah… we’ve all seen that kind of face before… stumbling by on the street, gazing brainlessly across the table at us over a plate piled high with Chicken Soo Gai and Shrimp-Fried Rice, and sometimes even leering back at us from a mirror.

After a lifetime of ridiculously wrong statements and insanely off-base, half-baked predictions, it’s good to see Pat getting something right for a change.

UPDATE:  I don’t know about you, but I can definitely see a resemblance:

Just in time for Friday

The one and only Pepper Spray Cop Game.

Rainy day, spray away…*

*(With apologies to Jimi Hendrix)

Fedex: When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight

…but not necessarily in one piece:

In the video description, Goobie55 writes “The sad part is that I was home at the time with the front door wide open. All he would have had to do was ring the bell on the gate.” After being posted on YouTube, the video has attracted many comments relating to the plight of the homeowner and users are sharing negative delivery stories about FedEx through video responses as well. YouTube users have also responded by adding music to reposts of the video, the most timely being “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” 

According to The Daily Mail, FedEx Senior Communications Specialist Shea Leordeanu stated “All of us here at FedEx have seen the video and quite frankly we were shocked.” Company officials plan to track down the delivery driver in addition to getting in touch with the YouTube user that posted the video in order to offer compensation for the monitor as well as an official apology.

As usual I’m late getting my presents in the mail — an insurmountable anti-Christmas mental block does the same thing to me every year.  I was thinking about FedEx-ing them, but after seeing this video I guess they’ll just be late.  Again.  And why not?  It’s becoming a Family Tradition.

Hitler reacts to

— what else?  The Pepper Spray Cop meme:

Church Ladies Behaving Badly

There’s no revenge like Church Lady Revenge.  

A couple of years ago, some Edmonton Church Ladies were in the grips of a savage altercation over a Church Gentleman, and predictably, it wasn’t long before the situation spiraled into insanity.  The chief antagonist in the dispute launched a Facebook Vendetta with a fusillade of snarly comments about one of the other ladies, prompting a complaint to their church.  Outraged, Facebook Warrior Church Lady decided to ratchet up the pressure, and she knew how to do it:  a pharmacist by trade, she had an edge in this Battle Royale.  You know where this is going…

Pharmacist Church Lady’s Facebook wall soon displayed medical information she’d dug up on not only her adversary, but also her adversary’s friends.  Which is when everything kind of went to shit, as power-crazed shots at upping the ante often do, and Pharmacist Church Lady soon felt her enemies’ wrath.  And today,  “Vengeance is ours”, sayeth the Church Ladies:

An Edmonton pharmacist has been fined $15,000 after she obtained personal medical information for several people off Alberta’s electronic health system, then posted some of the details to Facebook. […]

An investigation revealed Songgadan had been fighting with a group of women at her church in the summer of 2009 about the romantic activities and interests of a man in the same congregation, a news release states.

During the conflict, Songgadan posted “disparaging comments” about one of the women on Facebook, the release says. When the woman complained to the church, Songgadan went into the woman’s Netcare records and posted information about her prescription medication on the social media website.

A review of the case then discovered Songgadan had gone into the health files of eight people who may have been sympathetic to the original woman who complained.

I can’t say I disagree with the Church Ladies’ outrage at their private information being posted online for all the world to see.  But if these Church Ladies are the anti-abortion variety, and there’s a pretty good chance that being Church Ladies, they are, maybe this experience will give them a better understanding of the devastating invasion of privacy inherent in laws like this.

It’s beginning to look a lot like

Pepper Spray Cop meets Baby Jesus!  #Occupy Christmas Sweater!!:

How much do you want one of these?

Is nothing safe from the incredible pepper-spraying cop meme?

Mark Twain’s birthday is celebrated today on Google’s home page:

And it was only a matter of time before…

(from Kosso K)

From the “Jokes that write themselves” file

A newspaper headline goes horribly wrong:

Unless it’s a story about Tubesock-Or-Bust at long last meeting his idol Sarah Palin?

(Image swiped shamelessly from Preliator pro Causa)

Mayor McPanic?? Hahahaha!

The fallout from Mayor Effingford’s little fracas with Marg Delahunty/Mary Walsh just keeps getting better.  Olbermann tweets:

HAHAHAHA!  One of the Worst Persons in the World 2 days in a row??

Hizzoner better get his shit together: he’s rapidly spiraling into “Lonesome Rhodes Beck” and “Billo The Clown” territory.  (Of course, to Mayor Effingford that would probably be a feature, not a bug.)

(Watch “Worst Persons” here, at Countdown on Current TV.)

Rob Ford: Today’s Worst Person In The World!

HAHAHAHAHA!  Mayor Rob Fucking Ford made Olbermann’s Worst Person In The World last night.  (The part about Ford is at approximately 2:20.)

Why am I laughing?  Toronto is my home fucking town, I should probably be fucking mortified.

UPDATE:  Edited to add link and remove Wrong video.  WRONG.

 

Because it’s Saturday

When Amazon set up their website to allow Customer Reviews of the psychotic myriad of products they flog, I wonder if they knew those reviews would become such a source of entertainment that they’d have their own Top Ten Lists?

My favourite product from that list has to be the Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank.

This is just what’s needed to deal with those stupid 4-way stops and traffic roundabouts.  Nothing says “Might takes right” like a Donk!

All in all, a pretty funny list, but strangely lacking: no Top Ten Amazon Customer Review List would be complete without a book review from The General.