Skipping Down The Boulevard of Butthurt Broken Dreams

I delayed commenting on the Presidential Election — henceforth to be known as the Great Conservative Hyperkinetic Projectile Bed-Shitting of 2012 — because at first I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing.  I refer not to the re-election of One-Term-President Barack Hussein FourMoreYears Obama; that writing had adorned the wall for some time.  What’s truly astonishing is the Right’s response to it.

Not only is there no joy in Wingnutville, there’s shock, sputtering disbelief, bewilderment and utter confusion.

I was a little surprised myself as I took the temperature of the DarkSyde on election day.  Despite all the predictive science to the contrary, all day long right wingers delirious with dumb hubris brayed about the imminent crushing defeat of the MuslimKenyanFetusBully.  Drunk on their own bombast, pundit after pundit, blogger after blogger (and their commenters) ebulliently predicted a landslide victory for the doomed GOP ticket, even after the returns started coming in and it was obvious to everyone else that the shit-hammer was coming down hard.  It was surreal: Baghdad Bob came to mind.

No wonder they’re so shell-shocked: they really thought their man Mittens, once so despised and mistrusted, would cruise to an easy win on Tuesday.

For once, this reality deficit can’t be blamed on Low Information Voters being played by people who know better.  The delusion was top-down: so confident was Team Romney of a romp to victory that they broke with electoral tradition and didn’t even bother to prepare a concession speech:

“This is a big day for big change,” Romney told staffers and volunteers at a Cleveland-area campaign office.

On his campaign plane in between flights, he worked on his speech. He said he hasn’t written a concession speech, though he acknowledged the results might not come out in his favor. “Nothing is certain in politics,” he said.

That last point was certainly driven home on election night, eh?  No wonder conservatives are reeling: being so overconfidently sure that you’re right must make it all the more humiliating to be Wrong.

Since then, there’s been a lot of talk in quiet rooms and other places about the downside of ideological purity, changes of direction and GOP soul-searching.  (If you doubt it, google “GOP” + “soul-searching”.)   But there’s been just as much ominous chatter about hunkering down in fortified bunkers with lots of ammo and MREs.    Un-following, un-friending, disowning and even divorcing any Democrat.  Eventually one way or the other will prevail, but bear in mind that Humiliation and Butthurt are less likely to evolve into realistic pragmatism than the kind of aggrieved resentment that characterized Teabuggery.

Republicans have a right to be angry, but not at Democrats or the voters who returned them to power.  If they should be angry at anyone, it’s the hermetically-sealed, airtight Fox News/Limbaugh/right-wing-blogosphere Information Bubble that failed them so awesomely, so spectacularly, during this election campaign.

Mayor McPanic?? Hahahaha!

The fallout from Mayor Effingford’s little fracas with Marg Delahunty/Mary Walsh just keeps getting better.  Olbermann tweets:

HAHAHAHA!  One of the Worst Persons in the World 2 days in a row??

Hizzoner better get his shit together: he’s rapidly spiraling into “Lonesome Rhodes Beck” and “Billo The Clown” territory.  (Of course, to Mayor Effingford that would probably be a feature, not a bug.)

(Watch “Worst Persons” here, at Countdown on Current TV.)

Know Your Leftie!: Ponytail Keffiyeh and Guatamalan man-purse edition

 

Conservative activists arrive at Galloway speech... no, really!

The sentinels at the command post guarding the gated community known as Conservative Canada (or as I like to call it, CONada) must have been snoozing at the switch, because yesterday the barriers were breached and the World’s Most Vicious Islamofascileftard was able to gain entry:

George Galloway kicked off a cross-country speaking tour by coming to York University, one of the places most polarized by Middle Eastern politics. […]

It’s true… the Commieislamofascist Broadcasting Corporation welcomed him yesterday (though it wasn’t clear whether he will be appearing in Little Mosque on the Prairie anytime soon).  So… everybody freak out!

[…]  While a sold-out crowd of 500 gathered in a university auditorium on Tuesday to hear him, hundreds of others packed the hallway outside to protest against his presence.

Yes yes.  All very civilized, all very democratic, and that’s great:  dissenting voices are always a good thing no matter what side of an issue they’re on.  That is how you deal with speech you don’t like:  not by shutting it down, but by registering disagreement.   Unlike some other controversial figures, Galloway was at least permitted to speak.  Galloway spoke, those who wanted to hear him listened, and those who disagreed with him made that sentiment known.  Democracy in Action.

But what’s this:  a little Alinsky-ish “working within the system”-type creative subterfuge?:

An email circulating among Zionist and pro-Israel opponents of Mr. Galloway offers a novel and surprising glimpse into audience strategy in the YouTube era, in which the audience doubles as the media. It suggests Mr. Galloway can expect novel forms of resistance, to say nothing of aggressive questions, from a shadow army of pony-tailed Zionists disguised by keffiyehs and “hand-woven Guatemalan man-purses.”

Guatamalan man-purses!?  Do go on…

She urges people to get tickets, arrive early, get in line, and split up so they will not be spotted. Aisle seats are best for getting to the microphone quickly during the question-and-answer session, when you should ask questions that prove your point.

But it is the fashion advice that best captures the devious spirit of the age.

“When in Rome,” Ms. Hill said. “If they do not know your face, wear a keffiyeh or hijab or hippy-type clothing (blue jeans, Birkenstock sandals with socks, hand-woven Guatemalan man-purses, long scarves on men, etc.)”

“If you’re a middle-age man with a ponytail, you’ll fit in just fine.”

Hm.  Am I the only one who’s reminded of this?:

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, But his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can’t find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck. – The Chief

Bwahahaa!

Quid Pro Quo, PBeeeze

In the comments of the Happy Wanderer’s post about the new BTs Exposeinator, “In Their Own Words”, lurks a veiled threat… stand back!:

I take that to mean that chubby little Cheeto™-stained fingers are flying over sticky keyboards and feverishly assembling another Exposeinator, “Progressive Bloggers, In Their Own Words”, even as we speak.

This was actually one of the first things that occurred to me when I saw “BTs, ITOW” — that some outraged rightwing smartass would attempt to do a copycat site focusing on PBs.  As I pondered briefly over who’d have the honour of being featured in such a setup, I couldn’t help wondering how successful an endeavour it would be, given the relative dearth of material.  I’m not implying that Crazy, Dumb and Mock-worthy are the exclusive preserves of the right, because  they’re not.  Measures of bombast and hyperbole, hysteria and hypocrisy and even misinformation can be found in surprisingly healthy quantities in every corner of the political spectrum:  it’s just that one corner’s cup seemeth to runneth over.

But you never know what an enterprising Blogging Tory might find when they start plumbing the progressive depths:  the leftwing version of Dodo could be out there just waiting to be discovered.

When gazillionaires attack

Furious backpedaling:

Will this prompt some pre-emptive blog re-design?:

Free speech comes with responsibilities, dude.  Learn it.  Live it.

UPDATE: The Sun Girls join the fray!

UPDATE II: Unfriended! (thanks to DammitJ for the screenshot)

Rachel Maddow: Women candidates versus womens rights

Last night, Rachel had an interesting segment on the ascendancy of radical anti-abortion candidates in the GOP, including women, and what it will do for their share of the female vote.

This was something presciently referenced by Heather Mallick in that infamous hit piece she did on Palin two years ago: in order to win our vote, it’s not enough to run a candidate with the same chromosomes.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Hearts, minds and rhetoric

Hey kids, remember this?:

And this?:

And this?:

Remember how we laughed and laughed and laughed at the feverish teabagger imaginations that produced such lurid spittle-flecked hyperbole? Obama, a nazi?  A Stalinist?  Hahaha!

Yes yes, and you might also remember that while we were leaning over the fence pointing and laughing at the lunatic fringe to our south, in our own back yard progressives just couldn’t seem to catch an electoral break.  Sigh.

Over 4 years and another election since Stephen the Corpulent first waddled to power, resplendent in the Blue Sweater-Vest of Authority and with a death grip on the Kitteh of Don’t Let This Happen to You, the Prime Minister’s chair still creaks and groans beneath his girth, and some days it seems like nothing short of a giant turbocharged Crowbar of Social Justice will pry him out.  Or maybe removing Harper hinges on winning back the hearts and minds of an electorate that’s clearly soured on the concept of left-leaning governance.

Question of the Day:  is this effort helped or hindered by frenzied left-wing rhetoric about Steve the Fascist-Nazi-Totalitarian, or would it be more productive to critique Harper for what he really is:  a sleazy and unprincipled right-wing authoritarian political opportunist who pushes the envelope of power as much as humanly possible within the limits of a democracy?  I’m going with Door #2.

Harper and his sycophantic little crew have earned titles like “bullies”, “toadies”, “douchebags” and “lying slime-ridden weasel shit on toast”.  There are certainly many rational and valid reasons for opposing the Harper government.  But the vapid idea that Harper is a “fascist” and a “totalitarian” — you know, like Hitler or Stalin or Pol Pot — might be a hard sell outside the left-wing blogosphere.  The far left-wing blogosphere.  Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little creative license to add impact — I do it myself all the time, and it’s fun.  But to seriously suggest that Stephen Harper is the equivalent of Kim Jong-Il or Hitler is to invite… questions… about your mental stability.  It’s doubtful that such teabaggy-good rhetoric would help make the case against the Harper government anyway, and it might even reinforce Jane and Joe Average Canadian’s shaky support for them.

Which brings me to those average Canadians whose hearts and minds must be won to prevail over Harper, and another troubling trend I’ve noticed among some progressives.  Call it liberal elitism or a misplaced sense of superiority, it’s the attitude that the Canadian middle class is a great monolith of human dumbness that votes Conservative because they’re too stupid or brainwashed to know any better.  (Never mind that once upon a time this same monolith of human dumbness was a large part of the Liberal constituency, delivering them to power with 3 consecutive majorities.)  It’s not a widespread attitude, but it’s a dangerous one, not calculated to win anything but another decade in the political wilderness.

I’ve often wondered why progressive political parties have fallen so badly from favour with the Canadian middle- and working-class, and if it’s possible to win them back.  But I have a feeling that elitism and psycho-talk about fascists and totalitarians not only won’t win them back, it may in fact be counterproductive to the task of ousting Harper and his squalid cabal of criminally-insane, democracy-raping theo-nazis.  (*wink*)

UPDATE: Scathingly reality-based criticism:  Exhibit “A”.

Offshore drill baby drilling

She was for it before she was against it!

Damn those burdensome regulations that might have saved a few lives on April 20th.  Not to mention those damn bureaucrats, keeping oil companies from drilling the shit out of everywhere with reckless abandon.
So the Palinator was disheartened by the cancellation of offshore leases… well, who wouldn’t be?

“Drill baby drill” is rapidly becoming “Spin, baby, spin“. *WINK* drool, slobber

Tweeting the burning stoopid

Slobbering Sarah tells X-treme Enviro-weenies The Way It IS:

Yes, because oil companies have such a great track record on dry land.

Certainly the massive BP oil disaster in the Gulf is the fault of environmentalists who brutally FORCED the oil companies to drill offshore.  If ANWR was opened to drilling, oil companies would instantly lose their major defining characteristic — GREED — and immediately cease all offshore operations.

Since the blithering, dimwitted Palin has an answer for everything, maybe she can explain in 140 characters or less why 20 years of GOP-controlled congress and White House out of the last 28 — including 12 immediately following the enactment of the ANWR ban — never repealed the act, instead escalating offshore leases and dismantling safety regulations.

Olbermann is right:  that woman is an IDIOT.

UPDATE: Damn those Greenie-Weenies!

UPDATE II: On top of being a complete moron, Palin’s a bullshitter.  Olbermann responds to the twit’s tweet:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

If good fences make good neighbours

… what do giant ugly-ass fences make?

You may or may not have heard that one Joe McGinniss, a journalist currently working on an unauthorized biography about Our Lady of Perpetual Teabagging, recently rented a house next door to the Palin Palace in Wasilla.  This was seen by some (including me, actually) as a bit creepy, but so what?   Kinky creeps and lint-brained weirdos abound in this whackadoodle world of ours — usually we’re not lucky enough to know where they are, which gives them a chance to lurk on our properties and peer into our windows.

But check this out — in response to this unwanted neighbour, get a load of the fence that the Half-First Dude and his buddies built:

Well, that is what I’d call one fugly fence.  About 12 feet high and constructed out of giant Popsicle sticks.

Perfect.  Tomorrow’s project: sit a great big square of plywood on top and nail ‘er down.

Jason Kenney: perjuring prevaricator

Main Entry:	liar
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	person who tells falsehood
Synonyms:	cheat, con artist, deceiver, deluder, dissimulator, equivocator, fabler, fabricator, fabulist, false witness, falsifier, fibber, maligner, misleader, perjurer, phony, prevaricator, promoter, storyteller, trickster

Fabulist!

(via:  TGB, Stageleft, CC, Willy, Skinnydip)

Division: that starts with D and that rhymes with “Tea”

And “GOP”.  Whoopsie!  Who possibly could have seen this coming?:

Republican officials are working to derail the campaign of a tea party supported candidate in North Carolina — circulating documents from the man’s messy divorce that depict him as a pot smoker who has called himself the messiah. […]

Republican leaders in both Raleigh and Washington, however, are worried about his electability in November if he wins a primary runoff next month. They’re publicizing court documents about D’Annunzio’s past legal, martial and business troubles and denouncing him as unfit for office.

“The Messiah”?  I thought Obama was Teh Messiah, and he got elected.  Of course, he didn’t call himself The Messiah, and I guess that makes all the difference.

To the terrified chagrin of the GOP establishment, they have been unable as yet to absorb the tea party and get it under control. Too late for all that: anti-establishment candidates appear to be in the ascendancy on both sides of the aisle.  Now that the ‘baggers have discovered they can run — and elect — their own candidates, they’re understandably excited about it.  If some of their candidates win in November, the GOP may find itself absorbed by the tea party instead of the other way around.

For the love of God

… Jebus, Devil, FSM, whoever — will someone please have mercy, do the right thing and service this woman???:

John Moore scoffs at the idea that sex ed programs are designed by “activists,” but that’s only because he likes what they’re teaching. If he didn’t, he too would call them activists. Sex educators are pushing an ideology that is to sex what multiculturalism is to race. In fact what sex education in the schools promotes should be called multisexualism.

Multiculturalism teaches that all cultures and religions are equally worthy of respect except Christianity and whiteness. Multisexualism teaches that all sexual behaviours and lifestyles are of equal social worth, except those that refuse to detach morality from sexuality.

The 5 minutes I spent swatting at her pent-up sexual frustration after it exploded off my computer screen in a savage fury and started violently humping my leg is time I’ll never get back, but maybe we can prevent such little tragedies from happening in the future.

UPDATE: In case you’re thinking that column might have resulted from some kind of one-off psychotic episode, here’s the one from the week before.   (WARNING:  BEFORE CLICKING LINK, BE READY WITH A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER OR SOME OTHER KIND OF SWATTING APPARATUS.)

Nothing to see here

Right-wing extremism is a growing problem?  Nah, that’s just a lot of made-up LIEberal bull to make teabaggers look bad.

RELATED: Good grief, now they’re filing lawsuits threatening violence.

I can’t wait, also.

It’s only fitting that Sarah Palin’s new TV show, “Real American Stories”, should debut on April Fool’s Day:

Sarah Palin begins her role as a TV host with “Real American Stories,” which debuts at 10 p.m. Thursday on Fox News Channel.

“On the Record With Greta Van Susteren” will be preempted that night. The first “Real American Stories,” which is a series of specials, will repeat at 9 p.m. Sunday.

I wonder what is meant by “real American”…ya think?